Joke jokes

Grandpa: "Sonny, let me tell you something. There's only one damn thing in this whole world worse than Alzheimer's."

Boy: "What's that?"

Grandpa: "What's what?"

Do you like pudding? Pudding deez nuts in your mouth!

Suicide isn't a joke. It's called "parkour gone wrong."

Was invited to the inauguration of an I-pad.

We were all ready to begin the event. I was supposed to cut the ribbons, but before I could do that, Penaldo jumped outta nowhere and shouted, "I DON'T WANT I-PAD, I ONLY WANT TO STATPAD!"

Shame on Penaldo for ruining the event! 😡

Knock, knock.

"Who's there?"

Not your dad.

Why was the tower of Pisa leaning?

They had better reflexes than the trading center.

An orphan? We no jokes.

Jokeless orphan since they were always stacked on jokes.

All these suicide jokes are f***ing killing me.

What's the difference between a bridge and a burrito?

I can't jump off a burrito.

Walk up to the quiet kid and tell him to hang in there. Trust me, you won’t regret it.

What do you call a FAT Man under 5'9"?

A JUMBO shrimp.

Do you know Imagine Dragons? Imagine dragon these nuts across your face!

Well, you know what they say about cliffhangers...

What does the handicapped man say to the cops when he’s mistaken for a criminal: "Don't shoot, I'm unarmed!"

I hope Stephen Hawking's an organ donor because I need new parts for my go-cart.

What do you call a disabled person who gets high?

Baked potato.

The other day, I walked up to someone who looked lost and he had all scraggy clothes on. I said, "Are you an orphan?"

He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"

I said, "Your parents, buddy."

What is the difference between a condom and an orphan?

One of them is used.

Yo, hairline been missing so badly that the police had to put up a wanted poster for it!

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.