Joke jokes
What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?
I've never had a lentil on my face.
A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.
His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"
The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."
What do you call a shoe made by George Floyd?
The Breath Takers.
A guy barges into a psychiatrist’s office and screams, “Doctor! I have suicidal tendencies! What do I do?!”
The doctor calmly answers, “Pay me in advance.”
Miscarriage jokes aren't funny, just cut it out.
What do you call a black abortion clinic?
Crime Stoppers.
Your ma is so slow, it took her 9 months to make a joke.
Why are Christmas trees banned in mental hospitals?
Because the ornaments wouldn't be the only things hanging.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when I push my autistic brother down the stairs.
A photon is checking into a hotel.
The bellhop asks him, "Do you have any luggage?"
The photon replies, "Nope, I'm traveling light."
Why do people hate abortion jokes?
It leaves you with an empty feeling inside.
What do you call a non-binary person that is lactose intolerant?
Non-buy dairy.
What's the difference between a Mexican and a drawer?
The drawer has papers.
What’s the difference between a female farmer and Hitler’s girlfriend?
One bails her hay, and the other heils her bae.
What do you call a murderer with two butts? An assassin.
What do rocks and girls have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
Treat me like a joke, and I will leave you like it's funny.
Your hairline is so far back it was friends with the dinosaurs!
Why do orphans go to church?
Because they can call someone "father."
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"They can move it, move it." (from King Julian)