What do you call a kid having a seizure on a dance floor? An improvement.
Joke Jokes
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo? Head and Shoulders.
Why can't Trump go to the White House anymore? Because it's forbidden!
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.
The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked away with her cardboard box.
What's the difference between a cat and a banana? It's hard to peel a cat.
What’s a peedophile’s favorite shoes? White vans.
Why the actual fuck is there drama on this website? Anyone can fake to be someone they're not, and no one will know the goddamn difference. I’m just trying to look at/make jokes, and I’m getting shit from people saying, "It’s too offensive" or something like that. Goddamn just take that shit somewhere else.
Keep the planet clean. It's not Uranus.
What goes 200 mph and is red?
Babies in a blender.
What did the octopus say to the other? "Let’s hold hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands."
A is for Amy who fell down the stairs.
B is for Basil assaulted by bears.
C is for Clara who wasted away.
D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh.
E is for Ernest who choked on a peach.
F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech.
G is for George smothered under a rug.
H is for Hector done in by a thug.
I is for Ida who drowned in a lake.
J is for James who took lye by mistake.
K is for Kate who was struck with an axe.
L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks.
M is for Maud who was swept out to sea.
N is for Neville who died of ennui.
O is for Olive run through with an awl.
P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl.
Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire.
R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire.
S is for Susan who perished of fits.
T is for Titus who flew into bits.
U is for Una who slipped down a drain.
V is for Victor squashed under a train.
W is for Winnie embedded in ice.
X is for Xerxes devoured by mice.
Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in.
Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin.
What goes black, white, black, white, down a hill?
A fat nun.
Why did the woman throw her bills out the window? She wanted to send them via airmail.
Your hairline is so long that when you finally found the length of it, you told someone and they said, "Don't give me your phone number."
How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?
As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.
what do you call a flat road named after George Floyd?
Flat neck road.
If a school shooter walks into a classroom and shoots an autistic kid, what does the kid say? "Why do I look like Swiss cheese?"
Guys, we need to stop making jokes about orphans. Their parents might get upset. Oh, wait... never mind.
A police officer pulls over two Catholic priests. He says he's looking for two child molesters.
The Catholic priests look at each other: "We'll do it!"
What do you say to a depressed person on the ceiling?
Hang in there!
