Joke jokes

What do you call a dead baby?

Spawn killed.

What's the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot? Bigfoot has been sighted.

Everyone has cracks in them, mine's just in my heart and not my ass.

Why doesn't a skeleton dance? Because he had no body to dance with. Lol, Sans.

Chuck Norris doesn't zoom out; everything moves backwards.

I tried to take a fog machine, but I took the wrong one. Needless to say, it was a big mist-take.

I would say a good joke, but all the good ones Argon.

What do you call a paralyzed turtle?

Shell shocked.

There was a kid named Buttitches, and his teacher was taking attendance. Then the teacher asked, "What is your name?" And he answered, "Buttitches." Then the teacher asked again, "What's your name?" and he replied, "Buttitches." Then a student yelled out, "JUST SCRATCH YOUR ASS ALREADY!"

I was going to write a corny joke, but those are a bit too EAR-itating.

The difference between my life and a joke is that a joke has meaning.

Is it okay to call a special ed kid late to class a little tardy?

Bill gets home from work late again, and Susan is angry. She hollers at Bill, "I AM FURIOUS. When I go outside tomorrow, there better be something that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds!" Bill says, "Ok." The next morning there is a box outside! Susan opens it. It's a scale! Bill hasn't been seen since October 2, 2002.

Q: What was the name of Michael Jackson's last book?

A: The ins and outs of child rearing.

What's black, white, and red all over?

A nun that fell down the stairs.

What's black, white, and laughing?

The nun that pushed her.

There were 15 ugly guys on a bus. The bus crashed, and they all went to heaven.

God took pity on them and told the ugly dudes they could have one wish. The first guy said, "I want to be handsome." God granted his wish. The second guy said, "I want to be more handsome than the first guy." God granted his wish. The third guy said, "I want to be more handsome than the second guy." God granted his wish, and this continued on and on until the 15th ugly guy. The ugly guy was laughing, really hard. "What is your wish?" God asked him. "I WANT ALL THESE GUYS UGLY AGAIN!!!!!" God granted his wish.

I identify as kilometers per second because I want to km/s.

What do you call a funny cow?

A cowmedian.

A nun walked into a bar with her clothes on inside out. The bartender asked her about it, and she replied, "It's a bad habit."

What did one piece of toilet paper say to the other? "I feel really wiped."