Joke jokes

Mistake

Anonymous · 8 years ago

I tried to take a fog machine, but I took the wrong one. Needless to say, it was a big mist-take.

Corny joke

@therealjosephstalin · 7 years ago

I was going to write a corny joke, but those are a bit too EAR-itating.

Turtle

Anonymous · 7 years ago

What do you call a paralyzed turtle?

Shell shocked.

There was a kid named Buttitches, and his teacher was taking attendance. Then the teacher asked, "What is your name?" And he answered, "Buttitches." Then the teacher asked again, "What's your name?" and he replied, "Buttitches." Then a student yelled out, "JUST SCRATCH YOUR ASS ALREADY!"

Argon

Anonymous · 7 years ago

I would say a good joke, but all the good ones Argon.

Hypocrisy

Emma Stan · 2 years ago

A six-panel stick figure comic strip. In the first panel, a stick figure with a black head insults a stick figure with a white head. The white-headed figure responds, 'WTF?'. In the second panel, the black-headed figure dismisses the comment as 'just a joke' and accuses the white-headed figure of having 'thin skin'. In the third panel, the white-headed figure insults the black-headed figure by calling him 'fat'. In the fourth panel, the black-headed figure begins to cry profusely. In the fifth panel, the white-headed figure criticizes the black-headed figure for crying, asking if he's a psychopath and saying 'This is why nobody likes you'. In the final panel, the black-headed figure runs away crying.

Joke memes

Blonde

Anonymous · 7 years ago

What's the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot? Bigfoot has been sighted.

Rope

aswdudutt · 4 years ago

What did the rope and the tree say to the kid?

Do you want to hang later?

Family Tree

Anonymous · 4 years ago

An emo kid walked to me holding a rope, and asked: "Do you want to join my family tree?"

Orphan

Your dad · 4 years ago

Why do orphans love drinking water? Because they have no milk to drink!

Nut

AnDeez nuts · 4 years ago

I bet for Halloween you were a Goblin. How about you gobble deez nuts?

Roast

Smexy Baka · 4 years ago

I would roast you but you're already so hot.

Baby

lesbian safety scissors · 4 years ago

What do you call a dead baby?

Spawn killed.

Special ed kid

Anonymous · 5 years ago

Is it okay to call a special ed kid late to class a little tardy?

Difference

Anonymouse · 5 years ago

The difference between my life and a joke is that a joke has meaning.

Bar

Trumpmister · 5 years ago

Two chinamen walk into a bar. The landlord says, "Why the same face?"

Scale

Tyrone · 5 years ago

Bill gets home from work late again, and Susan is angry. She hollers at Bill, "I AM FURIOUS. When I go outside tomorrow, there better be something that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds!" Bill says, "Ok." The next morning there is a box outside! Susan opens it. It's a scale! Bill hasn't been seen since October 2, 2002.

Child rearing

Great Britan · 8 years ago

Q: What was the name of Michael Jackson's last book?

A: The ins and outs of child rearing.

Nun

heck · 7 years ago

What's black, white, and red all over?

A nun that fell down the stairs.

What's black, white, and laughing?

The nun that pushed her.

Wish

Anonymous · 7 years ago

There were 15 ugly guys on a bus. The bus crashed, and they all went to heaven.

God took pity on them and told the ugly dudes they could have one wish. The first guy said, "I want to be handsome." God granted his wish. The second guy said, "I want to be more handsome than the first guy." God granted his wish. The third guy said, "I want to be more handsome than the second guy." God granted his wish, and this continued on and on until the 15th ugly guy. The ugly guy was laughing, really hard. "What is your wish?" God asked him. "I WANT ALL THESE GUYS UGLY AGAIN!!!!!" God granted his wish.

Cow

Gerard · 7 years ago

What do you call a funny cow?

A cowmedian.