Joke jokes

Chuck Norris doesn't zoom out; everything moves backwards.

Chuck Norris once took down a fence. Maybe you heard of it, the Berlin Wall.

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?

Christopher Walken.

I was once friends with a schizophrenic emo. He tried high-fiving a tree, but it only left him hanging.

Is it okay to call a special ed kid late to class a little tardy?

I hate the term feminazi. It is offensive to real Nazis.

I would roast you but you're already so hot.

What does Michael Jackson ask little boys before going to bed? Are you sleeping?

Why did Michael Jackson dangle his baby out the window?

He was airing his blanket.

Broke my toenail yesterday. I'm now presenting you puns/jokes:

1. "Yeah, I broke my toenail, wanna see phoTOES?" 2. "I'm tired of bandaging my toe! Oh. My. GAUZE."

The next sentence is telling the truth. The previous sentence is telling a lie.

What's black and screams?

Stevie Wonder answering the iron.

Why was the blunt pencil bad at making speeches? It never had a point.

What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw?

An outlaw is wanted.

What's the smartest crime?

3rd degree murder.

What did the fat man say as he entered Nagasaki?

Nothing, he just exploded.

Man, my Muslim friend's the bomb!

A man is driving down the road and runs over a rabbit. He slams on his brakes, gets out, and walks up to the flattened bunny. The bunny is obviously expired.

A passing car slams on its brakes and screeches to a halt. The driver of that car runs up to the bunny, pulls out an aerosol can, and sprays the bunny with the aerosol spray. The bunny jumps up, runs a few feet, then stops, turns around, and waves its paw at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. He continues to do this until he’s out of sight.

The first driver looks at the man with the aerosol can and says, “Wow, that is amazing! What is in that can?” The man looks at the can and reads the label, “Hair restorer, with a permanent wave.”

Old soviet joke.

"Who is your mother?" "Our great Soviet country." "Who is your father?" "Our dear comrade Stalin." "What's your greatest desire?" "Becoming an orphan."

My wife called me a pedo. That's a big word for a 6 year old.