Joke jokes
I identify as kilometers per second because I want to km/s.
My brother caught Covid last month.
First I knew about it was when he speed-dialled me at 3am and gasped, "I can't breathe, I can't breathe!"
I just told him straight: "Bro... you really need to work on your George Floyd jokes."
A nun walked into a bar with her clothes on inside out. The bartender asked her about it, and she replied, "It's a bad habit."
Man, my Muslim friend's the bomb!
What did one piece of toilet paper say to the other? "I feel really wiped."
A skeleton walks into a bar. Orders a beer and a mop.
Most people say I'm a clown. Yet they don't laugh at my jokes. Most people avoid me because I'm a "clown". Yet I'm not the center of the circus. But I know I'm gonna be a clown forever. Because I can't take this damn mask off, no matter how hard I try.
Weeks later: Finally I found out why I'm being called a clown...because my smiling face is fake...
Stephen was a great person, and he will be greatly missed, but I enjoy these jokes too much to not stop.
Woah, nice cock.
A teacher is doing an experiment about taste. She tells each student to line up so she can give them each a lifesaver, so they can tell her what flavor it is. She gives Suzy a pineapple one. Suzy tries it, says the flavor, and then goes and sits back down. That is the same for everyone, then it is Jhonny's turn. The teacher hands him a honey flavor one. Jhonny chews it for a while, then says,
"Teacher, I don't know what it is.". The teacher tries to give him a hint and says, "it's what your parents call each other when you are asleep". Immediately the boy behind Jhonny screams, "Spit it out Jhonny, it's an asshole!!!"
Why didn't the Asian get a high five? Because Logan Paul left him hanging.
What’s pink, black and has 17 nipples?
A trash can behind the cancer ward.
This is a joke to tell to someone with you or something. SOMEONE will laugh. Say: "This word isn't gonna be funny until I tell you, your probably not going to laugh." *your friend* "what's the word?" *you* "finger" *friend* *dies of laughter*. *note* it works better if you wiggle your finger or something before and not everyone laughs, so don't feel bad if they don't. Also, don't be surprised if you get put in jail for murder, because you're going to kill someone with this.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To die.
What talks high pitched and can't fly?
A gay man in Iran.
What do you call someone who takes care of chickens?
A chicken tender.
Not totally a joke but... What do all these rape joke naysayers have in common with rapists? They are also forcing themselves on others.
What did the racist serial killer say to the cop?
“Wait, you’re getting paid?”
What did the deaf man say to the blind man before he fell into the well?
Nothing.
How did Helen Keller burn the side of her head? She answered the iron.
How'd she burn the other side? They called back.