Joke jokes
What's the difference between saying "bloody" in America and in the U.K.?
In the U.K., it's a swear word.
In America, it's a family reunion.
Did you hear about the dyslexic American police officer?
He shot a Ginger.
Yo momma is so ugly, she made my Happy Meal cry.
Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.
What is red and cries and spins around and around?
- A baby in a microwave.
How many dyslexics does it take to change a lightbulb?
Steven.
What’s the best part about sex with twenty eight year olds?
There are twenty of them.
What separates bad jokes from dad jokes?
Condoms.
What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in a bathtub?
Throw them some laundry.
What’s the difference between black matter and Black Lives Matter?
Black matter leaves an impact.
What was Hitler’s favorite sex position?
Sixty nein.
What’s the difference between a feminist and a school shooter?
A school shooter actually makes an impact on its targets.
A young boy is stood on the top of a cliff crying. A priest approaches and says, "Why are you crying my son?" "My parents just crashed the car off the cliff and died." "It's just not your day today is it?" Said the priest, unbuttoning his flies.
What do you call an LGBTQ person getting grilled? LGBBQ.
What do you call a rich Chinese person? Cha-ching!
Ask Siri what rich North Koreans are there.
Siri: "I could not find anything for this question."
I make suicidal jokes because I am a suicidal joke. And now for my closing act at the end of the rope.
The last joke about the dad was a joke. Don't take it seriously. Can't believe that people actually think that was true.
So I went to the binoculars shop the other day. Tell you what, they saw me coming.
I was going to make a pun about math, but my answers never add up.
Why couldn’t 3 ask 4 on a date?
Because he was 2 squared.