Joke jokes

What is a gay person’s favorite book?

The dictionary.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water, but Jill fell down and Jack came tumbling down after.

(And you thought this would be a joke.)

I'm so excited for Christmas Pudding... Pudding these nuts in your mouth.

I usually don’t make school shooting jokes.

Because they’re aimed at a younger audience.

What's black and white and red all over? The prisoner I just hit with my car.

Flat Earther pickup line: "The Earth may be flat, but Uranus is round."

What do emo kids and Hitler have in common?

There's gonna be more brains on the wall when they lose something.

What is Hitler's favorite food? A hindenburger.

Two husbands walk into a bar.

The first one says, "My wife is an angel."

The second one says, "You're lucky, mine is still alive."

Papa John's pizzeria and abortion clinic. You make 'em, we bake 'em.

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

She had no arms. "Knock knock." Who's there? Not Sally.

What did Trump rename the Presidential plane?

Answer: Hair Force One!

There was a kid named Buttitches, and his teacher was taking attendance. Then the teacher asked, "What is your name?" And he answered, "Buttitches." Then the teacher asked again, "What's your name?" and he replied, "Buttitches." Then a student yelled out, "JUST SCRATCH YOUR ASS ALREADY!"

I was going to write a corny joke, but those are a bit too EAR-itating.

Q: How many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Wanna go ride a bike?

What do you call a paralyzed turtle?

Shell shocked.

I tried to take a fog machine, but I took the wrong one. Needless to say, it was a big mist-take.

I would say a good joke, but all the good ones Argon.

Why do orphans love drinking water? Because they have no milk to drink!

An emo kid walked to me holding a rope, and asked: "Do you want to join my family tree?"