Joke Jokes

Two husbands walk into a bar.

The first one says, "My wife is an angel."

The second one says, "You're lucky, mine is still alive."

How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? It takes two, but don't ask me how they get inside.

What did the rope and the tree say to the kid?

Do you want to hang later?

An emo kid walked to me holding a rope, and asked: "Do you want to join my family tree?"

What do you call a dead baby?

Spawn killed.

I saw an emo orphan by a tree, and I was going to give it a high-five, but instead I just let it hang.

September 11th. #BringYourPlaneToWorkDay

Why do orphans love drinking water? Because they have no milk to drink!

The difference between my life and a joke is that a joke has meaning.

Everyone has cracks in them, mine's just in my heart and not my ass.

I was going to write a corny joke, but those are a bit too EAR-itating.

What do you call a paralyzed turtle?

Shell shocked.

What's the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot? Bigfoot has been sighted.

There was a kid named Buttitches, and his teacher was taking attendance. Then the teacher asked, "What is your name?" And he answered, "Buttitches." Then the teacher asked again, "What's your name?" and he replied, "Buttitches." Then a student yelled out, "JUST SCRATCH YOUR ASS ALREADY!"

I tried to take a fog machine, but I took the wrong one. Needless to say, it was a big mist-take.

Why doesn't a skeleton dance? Because he had no body to dance with. Lol, Sans.

Bill gets home from work late again, and Susan is angry. She hollers at Bill, "I AM FURIOUS. When I go outside tomorrow, there better be something that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds!" Bill says, "Ok." The next morning there is a box outside! Susan opens it. It's a scale! Bill hasn't been seen since October 2, 2002.

What's black, white, and red all over?

A nun that fell down the stairs.

What's black, white, and laughing?

The nun that pushed her.

There were 15 ugly guys on a bus. The bus crashed, and they all went to heaven.

God took pity on them and told the ugly dudes they could have one wish. The first guy said, "I want to be handsome." God granted his wish. The second guy said, "I want to be more handsome than the first guy." God granted his wish. The third guy said, "I want to be more handsome than the second guy." God granted his wish, and this continued on and on until the 15th ugly guy. The ugly guy was laughing, really hard. "What is your wish?" God asked him. "I WANT ALL THESE GUYS UGLY AGAIN!!!!!" God granted his wish.