Joke jokes
What did everyone say about the crazy unemployed homeless man?
He made no cents.
These murder jokes are just KILLING me!
Q: What's the difference between an egg and me?
A: An egg gets laid.
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo? Head and Shoulders.
What do you call a kid having a seizure on a dance floor? An improvement.
I am an actual police officer (Not gonna mention with which department in case they actually check this site) and tbh I find these jokes funny as fuck, carry on boys.
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
A "glad-he-ate-her".
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? -- Because he can't do stand up.
What's the difference between a dead baby in a dumpster and a treasure chest? It's a surprise when you find the treasure.
Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of salad?
A chicken sees a salad (chicken Caesar salad).
If Canadians speak "English Eh?", do Americans speak "English B?"
Knock knock! Who's there? King Tut! King Tut who? King Tutty Fried Chicken!
What’d the fox say when he was asked to describe his wife?
“Hottie hottie hottie hoe!”
A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly, “Paint...my....house.”
What do you call a communist pirate ship?
The USS Arrrrr.
How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
5
4 to turn the table, and 1 to hold the bulb.
If gay means happy, then I am now straight.
What's red and blue and runs up your leg?
A homesick miscarriage.
What is Michael Jackson's favorite planet? Uranus.