Joke jokes
Knock knock! Who's there? King Tut! King Tut who? King Tutty Fried Chicken!
A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly, “Paint...my....house.”
What is Michael Jackson's favorite planet? Uranus.
I have an orphan joke, but it needs parental guidance.
What's red and blue and runs up your leg?
A homesick miscarriage.
If gay means happy, then I am now straight.
What do you call a communist pirate ship?
The USS Arrrrr.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Well, it depends on how hard you throw them.
How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
5
4 to turn the table, and 1 to hold the bulb.
Why can't depressed kids high five a tree? It will leave them hanging.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home!
A serial killer was at my house and killed all my family but me. Why? I was in the living room.
What do sloths and depressed people have in common? They both hang off trees.
What is a group of depressed kids called? The suicide squad.
How did Helen Keller lose her virginity?
I told her the plunger was stuck in the toilet, but she didn’t listen...
Why do orphans work boomerangs?
Because it's the only thing that comes back.
Where do mathematicians go to die?
The symmetry.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody nose.
How many feminists do you need to change a light bulb?
One. She puts the bulb up and waits for the world to revolve around her.
...just kidding-
- none. They can't change anything.
Just because she weighed as much as two women... Doesn't mean you had a threesome.
What do you call a kid having a seizure on a dance floor? An improvement.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.
The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked away with her cardboard box.
Why can't Trump go to the White House anymore? Because it's forbidden!
What's green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.