Joke jokes
What did everyone say about the crazy unemployed homeless man?
He made no cents.
I am an actual police officer (Not gonna mention with which department in case they actually check this site) and tbh I find these jokes funny as fuck, carry on boys.
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo? Head and Shoulders.
What do you call a kid having a seizure on a dance floor? An improvement.
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
A "glad-he-ate-her".
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? -- Because he can't do stand up.
What's the difference between a dead baby in a dumpster and a treasure chest? It's a surprise when you find the treasure.
Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of salad?
A chicken sees a salad (chicken Caesar salad).
What’d the fox say when he was asked to describe his wife?
“Hottie hottie hottie hoe!”
If Canadians speak "English Eh?", do Americans speak "English B?"
Knock knock! Who's there? King Tut! King Tut who? King Tutty Fried Chicken!
My brother caught Covid last month.
First I knew about it was when he speed-dialled me at 3am and gasped, "I can't breathe, I can't breathe!"
I just told him straight: "Bro... you really need to work on your George Floyd jokes."
A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly, “Paint...my....house.”
What is Michael Jackson's favorite planet? Uranus.
What's red and blue and runs up your leg?
A homesick miscarriage.
If gay means happy, then I am now straight.
What do you call a communist pirate ship?
The USS Arrrrr.
I have an orphan joke, but it needs parental guidance.
How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
5
4 to turn the table, and 1 to hold the bulb.