Joke jokes
A is for Amy who fell down the stairs.
B is for Basil assaulted by bears.
C is for Clara who wasted away.
D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh.
E is for Ernest who choked on a peach.
F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech.
G is for George smothered under a rug.
H is for Hector done in by a thug.
I is for Ida who drowned in a lake.
J is for James who took lye by mistake.
K is for Kate who was struck with an axe.
L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks.
M is for Maud who was swept out to sea.
N is for Neville who died of ennui.
O is for Olive run through with an awl.
P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl.
Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire.
R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire.
S is for Susan who perished of fits.
T is for Titus who flew into bits.
U is for Una who slipped down a drain.
V is for Victor squashed under a train.
W is for Winnie embedded in ice.
X is for Xerxes devoured by mice.
Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in.
Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin.
Why can't Trump go to the White House anymore? Because it's forbidden!
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.
The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked away with her cardboard box.
What's the difference between a cat and a banana? It's hard to peel a cat.
What’s a peedophile’s favorite shoes? White vans.
What’s loud, red and goes at 200mph?
Paul Walker’s Porsche.
Why the actual fuck is there drama on this website? Anyone can fake to be someone they're not, and no one will know the goddamn difference. I’m just trying to look at/make jokes, and I’m getting shit from people saying, "It’s too offensive" or something like that. Goddamn just take that shit somewhere else.
Keep the planet clean. It's not Uranus.
What goes 200 mph and is red?
Babies in a blender.
What did the octopus say to the other? "Let’s hold hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands."
What do you call a school shooting survivor who grows up to be a prostitute on the West Coast?
A Sandy Hooker
What's the difference between a joke and the Twin Towers? People don't laugh at my jokes.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
The last joke about the dad was a joke. Don't take it seriously. Can't believe that people actually think that was true.
I was going to make a pun about math, but my answers never add up.
Did you fall from heaven? Because you really did a damage on your face.
I was going to talk about your chin, but I wasn't sure which one to write about.
If a school shooter walks into a classroom and shoots an autistic kid, what does the kid say? "Why do I look like Swiss cheese?"
My wife told me she’ll slam my head into the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer.
I’m not too worried—I think she’s jokingdkdkslalkdlkfjslfjslksdlkfjuahehwhgwdklaljdf.
Why do orphans eat water with their cereal? Because their father never came home with milk.