Joke jokes
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Well, it depends on how hard you throw them.
What do you call a communist pirate ship?
The USS Arrrrr.
How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
5
4 to turn the table, and 1 to hold the bulb.
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
A "glad-he-ate-her".
Why can't depressed kids high five a tree? It will leave them hanging.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home!
A serial killer was at my house and killed all my family but me. Why? I was in the living room.
What do sloths and depressed people have in common? They both hang off trees.
What is a group of depressed kids called? The suicide squad.
How did Helen Keller lose her virginity?
I told her the plunger was stuck in the toilet, but she didn’t listen...
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody nose.
Where do mathematicians go to die?
The symmetry.
Why do orphans work boomerangs?
Because it's the only thing that comes back.
Just because she weighed as much as two women... Doesn't mean you had a threesome.
What do you call a kid having a seizure on a dance floor? An improvement.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.
The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked away with her cardboard box.
Why can't Trump go to the White House anymore? Because it's forbidden!
What do you call an autistic person with a driver's license?
A LETHAL WEAPON!
What's the difference between a cat and a banana? It's hard to peel a cat.
What’s a peedophile’s favorite shoes? White vans.
What’s loud, red and goes at 200mph?
Paul Walker’s Porsche.
Why the actual fuck is there drama on this website? Anyone can fake to be someone they're not, and no one will know the goddamn difference. I’m just trying to look at/make jokes, and I’m getting shit from people saying, "It’s too offensive" or something like that. Goddamn just take that shit somewhere else.
Keep the planet clean. It's not Uranus.
What goes 200 mph and is red?
Babies in a blender.