Joke jokes

Why do rapists and pedophiles never win a race?

Because they always like to come in a little behind.

What do you get if you cross diarrhea with incest?

I don't know.

Neither do I, but it runs in the family.

Remember what one of my gay friends told me: it's only cannibalism if you swallow.

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

They put doorknobs on a wall and said, "Open the door."

There is nothing funnier than my life. (Evan 2020)

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

Because he didn't have the guts to do it.

Why didn’t the bike stand on its own?

It was too tired.

Person: I broke my arm in three places.

Doctor: Well, don't go to those three places then.

What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a terrorist?

You can negotiate with a terrorist.

Mom: Quit making suicidal jokes!

Me: Don't worry, it will all be over soon, Mom!

Mom: ❓❓❓

I tried to high-five my emo friend, but he just left me hanging.

What’s a kidnapper's favorite shoe brand?

White vans.

What is an orphan's family tree?

A stump.

I hate prom in Alabama. They always say, "Uhh, actually this is our family reunion." We are in Alabama, so they are the same thing.

I was walking down the street and saw a kid and I said, "Are you an orphan?"

He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"

I said, "Your parents at first."

Here's a sex joke.

What's the best part of having sex with 28 year olds? There's 20 of them.

How do you make a sad person jump?

A bridge.

I told a crippled guy he is immortal because he can't kick the bucket.

Friend: "UR LIT BRO!!"

Me: "That's what my sleeve said to my arm."

What did one depressed kid say to the other?

Hey, wanna hang together?