Joke jokes
September 11th. #BringYourPlaneToWorkDay
I saw an emo orphan by a tree, and I was going to give it a high-five, but instead I just let it hang.
What did the orphan say to his parents? Nothing, cause they left him.
What do you call a gay drive-by? A fruit roll-up.
What did the fat man say as he entered Nagasaki?
Nothing, he just exploded.
Billy: *spits out food*
Mom: BILLY! We swallow what we have in our mouths.
Dad: *looks at mom*
Mom: Shut up.
If you get it, you get it.
Q: Who are the fastest readers? A: Twin Tower victims, they got 80 stories in ten seconds.
I saw my wife at the dam yesterday. Drat. I was hoping she might float a bit more downstream.
What's a school shooter's favorite flower?
Columbine.
I wish my lawn was emo. Then it would cut itself.
What's funny about sex? I don't get it!
My mom said she will slam my head into my computer if I don't get off it. I'm not too worried though, I think she is just joking.
How does a Muslim close a door? He islams it.
Who is the only person time waits for? Nun.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Dave. Dave who? Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimer's has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.
What do you get if you eat 3.14 cakes?
Fat, you get fat.
What? Were you expecting a pi joke?
Did you hear about the guy who got a tattoo of an octopus?
He got inked up.
what's the difference between an onion and a baby?
nobody cries when you cut up the baby.
This man got his left arm and left leg cut off, and someone asked him, "How are you?" And he said, "I’m all right now."
I'd make 9/11 jokes, but they'd just crash and burn.