Joke jokes

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?

Because she was stuffed.

Why do orphans eat cereal with water?

Because dad never came back with the milk.

What do you call a skeleton with no friends? Bonely.

Wow, didn't know little Jhony jokes were so dark. Well, but what do you expect from a site with jokes about suicide, sex, and drugs? :-)

"Drugs?????" His eyes popped out. Well, I don't really know if there actually are-- and the exact ones... But there's so many kinds of jokes-- even chin jokes. :^))

And slice jokes!

What kind of "slices"?

Handy ones. ^_^

What does one math book say to the other? -- "Don't bother me. I've got my own problems!"

An apple a day can do so much more than keep the doctor away... it can keep ANYONE away.

if you throw it hard enough.

What do you call a 3-sum with a girl with AIDS?

Nut in the butt.

You wanna know who didn't kick the bucket? Stephen Hawking didn't; nor did he bite the dust.

What does milk and a kid with cancer have in common?

An expiration date.

Three guys are in the woods, a really smart guy, an average guy, and a really dumb guy. They're bored, so the smart guy decides to go hunting. A little while later he comes back with a deer. The average guy asks, "How did you do that?" The really smart guy says, "I see deer tracks, I follow deer tracks, I see deer, I shoot deer." The average guy says, "I think I understand," and leaves. A little bit later he comes back with a raccoon. The really dumb guy goes *gasp*, "How did you do that!?" And the average looks at him funny and says, "Well, I see raccoon tracks, I follow raccoon tracks, I see raccoon, I shoot raccoon." The super dumb guy thinks for a second and says, "Oooohh, ok, I think I can do that..." and leaves.

Hours pass, and the guy finally returns, hurt, bloody, and horribly mangled. They run to help him. Finally, one of the guys asks him what happened. This is what he said: "I see train tracks, I follow train tracks, I see train, I shoot train. But train keep coming."

A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd-shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.

As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"

What do you call a gay kid that killed himself?

A byebyesexual.

Where was Moses when the lights went out? - In the dark!

What instrument do a pair of sheep play? The two-baaaa.

How did the cow break up with the other cow? He said he moo-ved on.

What do you call a Muslim sleepover?

Osamas in Pajamas.

What did a terrorist say when New York didn't want his food?

"Here Comes The Airplane!"

Dark humor is just like water,

some people get it, some people don't.

Emo girls be like: How much am I worth...

Girl, scan the code on your wrist!