Joke jokes

What do you get when you throw a baby into the wheat thresher?

An erection.

What do women have on an empty stomach? A miscarriage.

Why did lil Susie fall off the swing? She didn’t have any arms.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Not lil Susie.

What did one cell say to his sister when she stepped on his toe? Mitosis!

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill’s candy, but Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock ‘cause Jill’s real name is Randy.

Yes, this joke is stolen.

On the inside of a fire hydrant you'll find H2O. What's on the outside? K9P.

So, is a homosexual in a coma a fruit or a vegetable?

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

He worked it out with a pencil.

What is the difference between a washing machine and a hooker?

I can put a load in the washing machine without it following me.

Me: I got kicked out of the library the other day.

Friend: Why?

Me: Because I put the women rights book in the fiction section.

Why did Helen Keller wear skin tight pants?

So you could read her lips.

I called the Chinese takeaway yesterday. A man picked up the phone and said: "Hello! I am Wan Kin, the chef." I said that I'll come back later.

What's the difference between a man and a table?

The table doesn't cry when I break its legs.

Why can't Helen Keller drive?

Because she's a woman.

"I hate when people make 9/11 jokes because my grandfather died during the Twin Tower attacks. He was the best pilot in Saudi Arabia."

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in front of a door? Matt.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean? Bob.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel.

Rape jokes are the funniest thing to ever exist.

"Guess how I got to Germany so fast?"

"Because I was Russian!"

What's the only good thing about being an orphan?

All snacks are family sized!

What's the best part about a dead hooker? The second hour is free!