Joke jokes
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Apaches.
Apaches who?
Apaches on your eye.
What do you call a cow that was hit by an anvil? A flat iron steak.
What is the difference between Bin Laden and Santa? One stops at the top of the skyscraper.
What's red and really bad for your teeth? A brick.
Hey, wanna hear a construction joke?
Other person: Yes.
Sorry, I'm still working on it! 😅
Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine. But why did seven eat nine? Because seven knew you had to have three squared meals a day.
I don't like 9/11 jokes, they tend to crash and burn.
what's the difference between morbid humor & dark humor?
dark humor fits 10 people in 1 container.
morbid humor fits 1 person on ten containers.
Did anyone get my joke? It probably flew over your heads, oops I meant through.
I forgot the joke.
A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd-shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.
As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"
What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg?
Eileen.
What's the hardest part of riding a scooter?
Telling your parents you are gay.
What do you call a gay threesome?
A Sloppy Joe.
Why was 6 afraid to go camping with 7?
Because 7 wanted to bring two knives for survival, but 6 secretly knew that 7 hated him, and didn’t have benign intentions.
Read this out loud to yourself and it’ll make sense. ;)
I was joking about self-harm to my friend, and she told me to "CUT it out!" I couldn't even laugh.
When we were at the self-checkout, she started scanning my arms. I asked her what she was doing. She said, "Trying to see if it beeps, ya think I'd get it to work if I scanned your thighs?"
I said, "Nah, bro, you'd overload the system if you put it there."
Q: What’s the difference between me and you?
A: I’m not wasting my time reading this joke.
What do you call a cow that's had an abortion?
De-calf-inated.
"Sir, we're mining too many useless mineral ores."
Hitler: "Mine less, then."
Grammar Nazi bursts in: "MINE FEWER!"
Hitler looks over: "Yes?"
As an Autist, I find these jokes really funny. Thanks for the early 13th birthday present, ya'll :>