Joke jokes

An apple a day can do so much more than keep the doctor away... it can keep ANYONE away.

if you throw it hard enough.

What do you call a boomerang that never comes back?

Daddy.

You wanna know who didn't kick the bucket? Stephen Hawking didn't; nor did he bite the dust.

What do you call a person with Down syndrome in a bathtub?

Vegetable soup.

Dark humor is just like water,

some people get it, some people don't.

Yo, your hairline over here lookin' like the Nile River.

Are you a toaster? Because I want to take a bath with you.

Kid: "Hey, are you an orphan?"

Friend: "Yeah, but you are too."

Kid: "At least my parents wanted me."

How did the cow break up with the other cow? He said he moo-ved on.

What instrument do a pair of sheep play? The two-baaaa.

Where was Moses when the lights went out? - In the dark!

An older retired couple - the wife had grown tired of her husband farting in bed each night. One morning she put some chicken parts under the blankets in bed next to him and went off to make some coffee.

A few minutes later she hears a loud fart followed by a blood curdling scream. He comes out after a while and says, "Hon, you were right that I would fart my guts out. Took me the longest to put them back in."

What does milk and a kid with cancer have in common?

An expiration date.

What did the Indian boy say to his mother as he left for school? -- "Mumbai!"

I would make a rape joke, but I'd have to force it down your throat.

Doctor: "You're as healthy as a horse!"

Jimmy: "That's great!"

Doctor: "A horse with cancer."

What's sad and has no life? The person reading this.

How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?

You nail its other hand to the ground.

What did Hitler feel about all the jokes about him? Führereous.

What starts with “M” and ends with “arriage”?

Miscarriage.