Joke jokes

My wife and I have made a difficult choice and have decided we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.

Why can’t orphans have an iPhone?

Because they can’t hit the home button.

The fact that I am high won't stop me from advising you.

Don't plug your phone while charging it; it is very dangerous.

Why was the Chinese laundry joke not funny? It had no irony.

What animal can jump the highest?

Emo kids because once they go up they never come back.

What does a bad friend give a blind kid for his birthday?

Give him a gun and tell him it's a hairdryer.

Dark humor is like the plague; everyone was supposed to get it.

Did you know about the guy who invented knock knock jokes?

He won the no-Bell prize.

After death, what is the only organ in the female body which remains warm?

My penis.

What do you call a rich orphan?

Batman.

What’s the difference between a pornstar covered in slime and The White Stripes?

One has "Icky Thump," and the other does "icky hump."

I threw a lamp at an emo kid and told him to lighten the f*ck up.

What does a news anchor cow say for the weekly broadcast?

"Here's the beef of the week!"

I can tell you used to be friends with your hairline, cuz it goes way back.

Cut.

How did Caillou quit his party?

He had to cancel it.

Q: Why did Bill Cosby get away with it?

A: Because the women were all Cosby-ing for it!

I got suspended at school today. I lit a kid's wheelchair on fire and called him "Hot Wheels."

Why did Hellen hate when her dad yelled at her?

Oh wait, she didn’t know! 🤣🤣

What's the difference between my dad and cancer?

My dad didn't beat the cancer.