Joke jokes

bully: "Your life's a joke."

me: "My life's not a joke, jokes have meaning."

Why'd the chicken cross the road?

A: To get to the gay (guys/girls) house.

(Wait awhile) then ask “knock knock?” Other person says “Who’s there?”

A: The chicken.

What do you call Amber Heard crying during the lawsuit?

A DEPPression.

(If you are a fan of either Johnny Depp or Amber Heard, you might get the joke).

Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.

What’s green and yellow and eats at your nuts?

Gonorrhea.

What do you call two gay Irishmen?

Patrick Fitz Gerald, and Gerald Fitz Patrick.

Knock knock. Who's there? Parents. Parents who? That's what an orphan would say.

I showed my girlfriend my taser. She was stunned.

I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid. They were still breathing, so I told them to walk it off.

What makes an ISIS joke funny?

The execution.

What’s worse than George Bush doing 9/11? Jeffrey Epstein doing nine Elevens.

I don't understand why people get offended by incest jokes; they're so family friendly.

During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"

How did Reese eat her cereal? - Witherspoon!

What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor? Dark humor would be 10 babies in one trashcan. Morbid humor would be one baby in ten trashcans.

This girl came to me and said, "I got raped in my sleep!"

I replied, "I done it as a joke."

-April 1, 2020

What's the difference between an onion and a hooker?

I cry when I chop up onions.

The more people who like to eat Tide Pods, the less idiots we have in the world. 😁

Why did Helen Keller ride a broken roller coaster?

She didn't see anything wrong with it.

My cock was in the book of world records...

The librarian told me to take it out.