Joke jokes

Why did the mailman die?

Because everyone dies.

What did the hot dog say to the condom? "Hot dog condom style."

I saw an orphan on the road. I asked him if he's an orphan. The kid says, "Yeah, what gave it away?"

I say, "Your parents."

What did Shrek say to the princess? “I love walls!”

Why do orphans like to go to church?

It is the only place where they can call a father.

Skedaddle skedoodle, I'm gonna go beat my noodle.

Why do leaves change color in the fall?

Because they want to leaf their old color.

This isn't a joke.

How is a child with cancer and dark humor similar? They never get old.

Why was the American kid late to school?

Because he was too busy putting on his bulletproof vest.

My friend Josh made a joke about Liam's hairline, even though his ears are so big and his face looks like a monkey... if they were white.

Hey, I'm not forcing you to learn the Force.

I dipped my hand in red food dye, so I said, "Looks like I’ve been caught red-handed!"

Y'all are so rude on here. If you don't like what I put on MY profile, you can click your rude ass off of my profile and look at some other fucking jokes. DO NOT INTERACT WITH ME IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING RUDE TO SAY ABOUT ME!

I got suspended for telling the emo kid to hang in there.

Not a joke, but here's a good workout, I guess:

Sit-ups: 50

Push-ups: 40

Squats: 30

Do 5 sets.

You're so skinny, when you did your first jump on a pogo stick you would never come back.

Why did the Orphan punch the other orphan?

Because the orphan broke his leg then had to get a retirement fund, so then he farted and got 1m dollars in cash, so then he started eating his toe jam and thought it tasted really good, so he started selling it to Taco Bell, then ate a cow. All the sudden he was attacked by hangry aliens then gave them some toe jam. They loved it, so they farted there way back up to space where they were eating Harold's fresh toe jam. It was so good, then one of the aliens ate there dog, so had to go the dollar tree to get it out then started gagging on one of the aliens' 2 meter defeater, and then the Orphan made out with the other Orphan and had a wedding at playground sharting happily ever after.

I call my sister a "fat cow," and she asks me, "Want to hear a joke?" I say, "Sure." She says, "You are the joke!"

Teacher: What do you want to be when you grow up?

That depressed kid in class: Dead.