Joke jokes

If you're ever angry, go ahead and punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

What’s one thing orphans don’t have on their computer? A home page.

What's the best thing about Alzheimer's?

You can hide your own Easter Eggs!

What is the difference between the President of Ukraine and the President of the United States?

The President of Ukraine is a comedian, and the President of the United States is a joke!

My therapist said: "Time heals all wounds."

I shot her, now we wait.

what do you call a terrorist attack in india?

a wednesday.

My friend says to me: "What rhymes with orange?" I said: "No it doesn't."

What's the difference between a Lambo and a boner?

Your sister didn't give me a Lambo.

6:30 has to be the best time, hands down.

The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa.

Q: What did the cannibal shout when his friend fell on the floor?

A: "FIVE SECOND RULE!"

How do you get a Koala to fall asleep?

Sing a koala-by.

My mum told me to stop playing with my sister. She said, "At least wait for her to be born first."

What’s the difference between fruit and dead babies?

I don’t put fruit in a blender.

A German soldier is walking down the street during a hail storm when a lady suddenly falls over after being hit. He, along with a few others, walk over to her. One man asks, "What happened?" and the soldier replies, "Hail hit her."

I told someone some jokes, y'know? "Fruit Ninja," "barcode legs," "French puppet thigh wrings." And she was like saying that's not cool and stuff. So she reported me, and it was like:

The counselor: "So I've heard you've been making sh jokes?" Me: "You say it like it's a bad thing." Her: "It is." Me: "Chill bro, it ain't that deep. Don't worry I'll end it :)"

What's an emo person's least favorite game? Cut The Rope.

"Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" "It's Dave!"

"Dave who?"

Dave bursts into tears, realizing that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the gay man's house.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

The chicken.

The teacher asked her student to say the alphabet. The student recited the alphabet: "abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz". "Where's the p?" He looked down to the floor and said: "it's running down my legs".