Joke jokes

My therapist said: "Time heals all wounds."

I shot her, now we wait.

I went to my boss's funeral and knelt down to his coffin and whispered, "Whose late now?"

If you're ever angry, go ahead and punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

So 6 is scared of 7 because 7, 8, 9, but why did 10 have PTSD?

He was stuck in the middle of 9/11.

What's the best thing about Alzheimer's?

You can hide your own Easter Eggs!

what do you call a terrorist attack in india?

a wednesday.

6:30 has to be the best time, hands down.

My friend says to me: "What rhymes with orange?" I said: "No it doesn't."

What's the difference between a Lambo and a boner?

Your sister didn't give me a Lambo.

Q: What did the cannibal shout when his friend fell on the floor?

A: "FIVE SECOND RULE!"

How do you get a Koala to fall asleep?

Sing a koala-by.

My mum told me to stop playing with my sister. She said, "At least wait for her to be born first."

A German soldier is walking down the street during a hail storm when a lady suddenly falls over after being hit. He, along with a few others, walk over to her. One man asks, "What happened?" and the soldier replies, "Hail hit her."

I told someone some jokes, y'know? "Fruit Ninja," "barcode legs," "French puppet thigh wrings." And she was like saying that's not cool and stuff. So she reported me, and it was like:

The counselor: "So I've heard you've been making sh jokes?" Me: "You say it like it's a bad thing." Her: "It is." Me: "Chill bro, it ain't that deep. Don't worry I'll end it :)"

The teacher of the ELA class said that whoever answers this next question gets to go home. Then a kid sitting next to the window threw his bag out the window. Teacher asked who threw that, he said, "Me, I'm going home." Before he could move the teacher pointed a ruler at him and said, "At the end of this ruler is an idiot," he got suspended for asking which end.

Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the gay man's house.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

The chicken.

"Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" "It's Dave!"

"Dave who?"

Dave bursts into tears, realizing that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.

So we were working with a new client at work, and my boss farts. He said, "A little gas never killed anyone."

What’s the difference between fruit and dead babies?

I don’t put fruit in a blender.