I'm at my happiest point in life. I'm dating someone that's autistic, and I was just saying I needed someone special in my life.
Joke Jokes
What do you call an LGBTQ person getting grilled? LGBBQ.
Wanna hear something twisted?
A pretzel.
Are your forehead and hairline old friends because they go way back?
My enemy told me I’m adopted, so I told him at least I got adopted.
I was gonna say when you were born your mum saw you and screamed, but I remembered you were adopted...
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"
Are you Shane Dawson?
Because I can be your pussy.
Me: If my face looked like yours, I would sue my parents.
Sensei: That’s funny, because when your parents dropped you off at the temple, they got a fine for littering.
Cop: Hehe, that’s funny because I gave them the fine!
Ever heard of rape jokes?
No?
Well, I'll MAKE you hear 'em!
Instead of the line, "This girl's on fire," my friend can relate to, "The baby in the oven's on fire, and I need to take it the f*ck out!"
Why can't you tell an Indian a secret? Because the red dot means they're recording!
How many tickles does it take to tickle an octopus?
Tentacles!
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
Fun fact: this category of jokes is the MOST hated one by feminists.
Unless you force them the point.
Ever had that feeling that suicidal people are a big contributor to the razor blade industry?
Well, they aren't.
Why?
They aren't repeated customers.
Guys, we should stop telling orphan jokes. Their parents will get mad. Oh...
I tried to make a pun about cheese, but I couldn't think of any good "whey" to do it.
Why was the cheese always so confident? Because it had such a "gouda" self-image.
What did the cheese say to itself in the mirror?
"Halloumi, who's the tastiest of them all?"
