Joke jokes
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"How do you breathe through that tiny thing?"
What’s the difference between a Black dad and a Pizza?
One can feed a family.
Yo momma is so fat, when she tried to hang herself, the noose broke.
Do you know the best thing about killing a hooker?
Not only do you get your money back, but the second hour is free.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Your dad.
But my dad's dead.
I know, just reminding you!
A man finds out his wife is cheating on him with his best friend, so he hires a hitman to shoot his wife in the head, and his friend in the balls. The hitman charges $100 per bullet. The man agrees.
Later, they set up, and the hitman looks through the scope and says, “I can save you $100!”
What do you call a rich Chinese person? Cha-ching!
Ask Siri what rich North Koreans are there.
Siri: "I could not find anything for this question."
Stolen dad jokes: "I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered."
When your girlfriend says it is too small, you say, "Just enjoy the small thing."
What is red, pink, and goes round and round?
A baby in a blender.
What is green, brown, and goes round and round?
The same baby 3 weeks later.
Teacher: Hey Timmy (the quiet kid), what comes after X?
The quiet kid: Splosion.
Teacher: What comes after A?
The quiet kid: AK-47.
Teacher: Faints.
How do you know if there's a vegan in the room?
Wait 2 minutes and they'll tell you.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
What's the similarities between anonymous and a cow? I think you know...
My priest asked if anyone had any questions or anything interesting they wanted to say.
So I raised my hand, he said why don’t you tell everyone what you have to say.
In front of the whole church I said I did not know Jesus Christ was the first scarecrow.
Why did the fish go to the doctor?
Because he was feeling “eel.”
What kind of man would be a lesbian's best friend? A decimen.
Knock knock. Who's there? Parents. Parents who? That's what an orphan would say.
Your hairline goes so far back it went back to when Earth was created.
I met a girl that was 6'5" and she fell on 9/11 and broke her arm. She really said "oh snap" like a twin tower.