Joke jokes
How do you know if an Asian has broken into your house?
Your dog is gone. ;)
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent.
What did the kid say to the toilet?
"Did you order a number two because I got one ready for you?"
What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite.
Why did the bum get a slap?
Because it was being too cheeky.
Q: What did the little girl say to her leper daddy?
A: "Oops, I got your nose!"
So, a bear and a rabbit are in a field. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks, "Does your poop stick to your fur?" The rabbit replied, "No." Then the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his butt.
Q: What's black and white and red all over?
A: A nun falling down the stairs.
Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side.
Nobody likes that joke.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
Did you hear about the dyslexic wanna-be bank robber? He walked in and yelled, "HANDS UP, THIS IS A MOTHER STICKING F##K UP!" The lucky idiot got away because nobody could stop laughing!
Sat at a busy intersection with a slice of bread, waiting for a traffic jam.
Cut a hole in the rug so he could see a dirty floor show.
He took hay to bed to feed his nightmare.
Took a tape measure to bed to see how long he slept.
Put his nose out the window so the wind will blow it.
Died with his boots on because he didn't want to hurt his toes when he kicked the bucket.
What do you call a deaf animal?
Anything, it can't hear you.
What is the richest nut ever? A cash-ooo!
Have you ever walked through Stephen Hawking's house? No?
Well..... neither has he.
My wife still misses me...
But her aim is getting better!
Want to hear a joke about paper? Never mind, it's tearable.
How do you stop a skunk from smelling?
Hold its nose.
Worst joke ever.
What do you call an animal that smells?
A smelly-phant.
That joke is really not funny.
Did you hear about the man who stole a calendar?
He got 12 months.
Worst joke ever.