I have a funny joke: my life.
Joke Jokes
Just all us depressed people joking about our depressed lives, we should hang out sometime.
Me: Are you okay?
Dentist: I'm just a bit surprised. When I said to you "spit it out," I wasn't expecting you to say you've been shagging my wife.
An autistic kid hit me, so I kicked him back and he died.
My sister was hitting on my boyfriend. I'm 11, she's 9. She said, "Go f-ck yourself," so I said, "Okay, thanks for the idea!"
How did Helen Keller know she went to hell?
She didn't.
Brother 2: We have these weird circles on the street! Government is tracking us!!!
Brother 1: They are just to sense cars so they can change lights. And it's the government.
Brother 2: Then why are there two in the left turn lane?
Brother 1: So one car isn't always going left and stopping the others.
Brother 2: Then why are they one car apart? Oh, to have three people going.
Brother 1: Correct. When I see one car on the first, I go on the second so my light changes.
Brother 2: You monster.
Brother 1: I wonder if they trigger by weight?
Brother 2: HA. Yo mama would trigger the sensor.
Brother 1: ARG. It's OUR MAMA you're disrespecting.
Mother (brother 1): What's going on boys? *looks in mirror* HOLY SH@& SHE IS PRETTY!
Brother 2: I think you should take your pills.
Brother 1: Found them.
*imaginary mother and brother fade away*
Thank you ELECTROBOOM for inspiring this joke/sh!t. Go subb to him.
Btw the (1) means it is just imaginary brother one acting like another brother.
What do you call a blind German?
A notsee.
A woman buys a house, but she doesn't know what to name the house, so she stuck her head outside and heard "Hairy butt," so she named the house Hairy Butt.
The next month she had a baby, but she didn't know what to name him, so she stuck her head outside and heard "Crack," so she named the baby Crack.
After a year or two she lost him, so she called the police and said, "Help! I looked all over my hairy butt, but I couldn't find my little crack."
What's the difference between a baby and a brick?
A brick doesn't cry when you throw it on a wall.
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
He wiped his ass.
Why did the old man fall into the well? He couldn't see that well.
What do you call a lady with a pyramid on her head?
mummy
What did the bank say to the person?
Bank you very much.
You know how 6 is afraid of 7 because 7 8 9? Well, 10 is afraid because he was in the middle of 9/11.
What do you call a banana that peels itself?
Appealing!
Why can't Trump go to the White House anymore? Because it's forbidden!
What is green and blue?
Grass and the sky.
Why did the girls sit on the clock?
To be on time.
What do you call a funny mountain?
Hill-arious.
