Joke jokes
What's the hardest part of being a pedophile?
Fitting in.
What do you call a blonde who's dyed her hair brunette?
Artificial intelligence.
On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.
Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:
"Do you know what arthritis is?"
The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:
"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."
The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.
A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:
"How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."
Friend: Name one gay person off the top of your head.
Me: Me.
Q: What do you call a little girl without arms and legs?
A: Names.
I'm tired of seeing Mal's joke the second I open up the site. It's not a bad joke. I'm just tired of it.
Hillary Clinton lost last time to the first African American president, Barack Obama. Why will she lose this one to Donald Trump?
Because orange is the new black.
A blind man went to a restaurant.
"Menu sir?" asked the owner. "I'm blind, just bring me one of your dirty forks, I will smell it and order." The confused owner went to the kitchen to retrieve a fork and returned to the blind man.
The blind man smelled the fork with a deep breath, "Yes I will have the lamb with seasoned potatoes and spring vegetables." Unbelievable, thought the owner. The blind man ate and left. Two weeks later the blind man returned. The owner, wanting to know how good his smell is, quickly went to the kitchen where his wife Brenda was cooking and said, "Do me a favor and rub this fork over your private part" which she did. He then goes to the blind man and gives him the fork. The blind man takes it and puts it to his nose and says, "Oh interesting! I never knew Brenda works here!"
What did the cannibal say when his friend fell on the floor?
"5 second rule!"
I ate a clock yesterday. It was very time-consuming.
I would tell you a joke about pizza, but it was too cheesy.
what do you call an emo person who's not depressed?
dead.
How is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping?
You’re dead if the rubber breaks.
If you drink hand sanitizer, does it only kill 99.9% of you?...........💀
Notice on a shoe repair shop: I’ll heel you, I’ll save your sole, I’ll even gladly dye for you.
What do you get when you dip a duck in blue paint?
A very pissed duck.
I had a JFK joke, but it went right through my head.
What's the difference between a priest and a pimple?
A pimple will wait until you're 12 years old to come on your face.
A policeman walks up to a van with two priests and says, "We're looking for two child molesters."
The priests both look at each other for a moment and then say, "Okay, we'll do it."
What do sex and food have in common?
Grandma makes both better.