Joke jokes
Q: How many men does it take to open up a beer?
A: None. It should be opened by the time she brings it in.
Why did the woman cross the road?
What’s she doing out of the kitchen in the first place?
Yo mama so short that when she tried to sniff meth, she couldn’t get high.
I told my fam a joke.
They all looked at me weird and one person even said, "I’m sorry!"
How to make an orphan die?
Tell them to yell until their folks come home.
What do you call a premature Chinese baby birth? Wong Tai-Ming.
Q. What do they call an ISIS terrorist who owns both a camel and a goat?
A. Bisexual.
Why do women always have sex with the lights off?
Because they never like to see a man having a good time.
What do you call an autistic person? Names.
I'm autistic myself, so don't go crying in my comment section.
I asked my friend what the best gay joke is, and she said "You."
The median salary of a clown is $36,763. And yet, here you are, doing it for free.
A wife says to her husband, "You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back." "What do you expect?" he says, "You're in a fucking wheelchair!"
A young boy is stood on the top of a cliff crying. A priest approaches and says, "Why are you crying my son?" "My parents just crashed the car off the cliff and died." "It's just not your day today is it?" Said the priest, unbuttoning his flies.
Q. What’s black and blue and doesn’t like to have sex?
A. The little girl in my trunk.
Q: Why are school shooting jokes funny?
A: Because they're intended for a young audience.
The other day, I stumbled upon a comic strip in the newspaper. As I started reading, I could feel a smile creeping onto my face. The characters were so relatable, their situation so absurd, yet so familiar, it was impossible not to find it amusing.
The punchline was unexpected, yet it made perfect sense within the context of the story. It was that surprise, that sudden twist, that made me burst out laughing. It was as if the comic strip had set up a joke and I had walked right into it, completely unsuspecting. The laughter bubbled up from within me, a spontaneous reaction to the unexpected humor.
In that moment, I realized the power of humor. It's not just about making people laugh. It's about bringing joy, about making people see the world from a different perspective, even if just for a moment. And that's why I found that comic strip so funny. It wasn't just a joke, it was a moment of joy, a moment of surprise, a moment of seeing the world in a different light.
Kid: Mum, how do you know someone is drunk?
Mum: See the four birds over there?
Kid: Huh, wait a minute.
Mum: A drunk person would see eight.
Kid: Mum, but there is only two.
What's the difference between the milkman and my dad?
Nothing, they are both one thing except he never returns with milk.
(I've been eating cereal with water COMBINATION!)
The most unfunny joke ever made.
What is the difference between an illegal immigrant and E.T.?
E.T. eventually went home!