Joke jokes
I tell dad jokes all the time even though I’m not actually a dad.
I’m a faux pa.
I went to a birthday party and told dad jokes.
The jokes didn't go over well. I was asked to leave the orphanage.
What separates bad jokes from dad jokes?
Condoms.
What's the difference between three cocks and a joke?
Your mom can't take a joke.
I'd tell you a joke about pizza, but it was too cheesy.
An African man visits his friend in the US.
“I just flew in yesterday,” the African man says. “And boy are my arms tired!”
“You know, that’s kind of an old joke here in America,” replied his friend.
“Joke?” the African man said. “I’ve been holding my hands in the air yelling ‘don’t shoot’ ever since I got to this damn country!”
Why don't women parachute naked?
That annoying whistling sound on the way down.
What’s the best part about sex with twenty eight year olds?
There are twenty of them.
How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
Give him a tampon and ask him what period it came from.
Humor is like skin; the darker it gets, the less people like it.
What kind of animal makes a good bottle opener?
A male Duck on Viagra.
The worst comedians take 9 months to make a joke. Then they spend the rest of their lives trying to forget it.
Osama Bin Laden was trying to give me relationship advice.
Probably wasn't the best time to say "OK Boomer."
Why do orphans have only 363 days in their calendar year?
Because they don't have father's and mother's days.
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.”
The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”
Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”
The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”
Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.
Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”
The teacher sat down and cried.
I wasn't going to tell another emo joke, but I didn't want to leave anyone hanging.
I went to the pharmacy the other day. I tried to buy a pack of condoms, but I pretended I didn't have enough money to mess with the cashier.
I went back into the aisles of the store, got a pack of rubber bands and plastic wrap, bought them, and walked out. I loved the look on the cashier's face when they saw my decision.
The best part about Asian jokes is that the only people that can be offended can't see the jokes.
I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf.
So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.
I told my mother that my new girlfriend is disabled. Now we wait.
Some people think emo jokes are funny, but I think it can cut both ways.