Joke jokes
I asked my mom what is dark humor. She said "see them boy over there in the wheelchair, ask him to walk." I said, "but I’m blind." She responded, "Exactly."
Why did the frog take the bus to work?
His car got toad.
A man walks into a bar "Why am I so bad at Limbo?"
What is a necrophiliac's safe word?
"I'm alive!"
A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!" Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself." She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?" She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."
How are corpses like pools?
Once you get in, it's only cold for like a minute.
Do you know why they call me battery saver?
I get turned on when it’s below 10%.
Why do you Scotchmen wear kilts?
Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.
What is the difference between your dad and a video game?
Your dad doesn’t beat you.
What does a priest and Christmas tree have in common? The balls are just for decoration.
What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie-talkie?
He can’t walkie or talkie.
What do you call a rapper with a cold?
Lil Sneezy.
Why did the rapper become a tailor?
Because they wanted to drop some fresh THREADS.
I'd make a 9/11 joke, but it wouldn't fly anymore.
And if I tried it, it would probably crash and burn.
It just wouldn't help my comedy career take off.
Q: What do gay horses say?
A: "Geigh!"
What did the tree do when the bank closed?
It started its own branch.
I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?" One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, Dumbo!" So I corrected myself, "My apologies, so are you two whales from Ireland?"
Hi, I am Emma. I'm going to Stan.
Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine.
A wife asked her husband, "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied, "I like your sense of humor!"