Why don't rappers ever get lost?
Because they always follow the street signs.
What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?
I've never had a lentil on my face.
Fat person: "Hey, what's up?"
Friend: "Your blood pressure!"
I was at a train station and a woman ran up to me and asked, "Is this train running on time?" I said, "No, it runs on steam and coal."
What do you call a gender neutral person who is lactose intolerant non-bi dairy?