Joke jokes
Yesterday on the school bus my friend in front of me said she was 41% Irish and 15% Mexican.
Then my friend sitting next to me said, “Wow, almost half leprechaun!”
Then I said, “Yeah, and 15 percent wall climber!”
Well, you know what they say about cliffhangers...
Friend: Hi, orphan.
Orphan: Tell me a yo momma joke.
Friend: ummm
Orphan: Exactly, U can't.
Friend: Yo momma so disappointed she left!
What's the cool thing about bringing a pack of gum or a shotgun to school?
When you pull one out everybody wants to be your friend. :)
My black friend told me to stop making racist jokes...
...I told him to lighten up.
How do you get the emo girl out of the tree?
You cut the rope.
What does Finn Wolfhard do when he makes a good joke?
He drops the Mike.
The cold winter night, there was a cabin in the woods. The cabin housed 3 men. The men were gay but they did not know.
Fili: "Fili." Kili: "And Kili." Fili and Kili: "At your service." Kili: "You must be Mr. Baggins." Bilbo: "No! You can’t come in, you’ve come to the wrong house." Kili: "What?! Has it been canceled?" Fili: "No one told us." Bilbo: "Can...! No, nothing’s been canceled." Kili: "That’s a relief." Fili: "Careful with these, I just had them sharpened." Kili: "It’s nice, this place. Did you do it yourself?" Bilbo: "Uh...no, it’s been in the family for years. That’s my mother’s glory box, can you please not do that?" Dwalin: "Fili, Kili, come on, give us a hand." Kili: "Mr. Dwalin." Balin: "Let’s shove this in the hole, or otherwise we’ll never get everyone in." Bilbo: "Ev...everyone?! How many more are there? Oh, no! No, no. There’s nobody home! Go away, and bother somebody else! There’s far too many dwarves in my dining room as it is. If...if this is some blockhead’s idea of a joke, I can only say, it is in very poor taste!" One of the Dwarves: "Get off, you big lump!"
Then the men only had one seat they had in the cabin. It was a bar seat. they were able to flip it upside down and fit all of them on it.
Me: I know a good 9/11 joke, but it would probably go over your head.
The Twin Towers: No, it won’t.
What did the suicidal guy say to his audience?
What did the suicidal guy say to his audience?
I would make a joke about 9/11, but my career would crash and burn.
Roses are red, violets are violet,
My dad died in 9/11, he was a great pilot!
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair and said, "Hot Wheels!"
Me: "Gift a homeless kid iPhone 7."
The kid: But it has no home button.
Me: Exactly. 💀
Lemme just say one thing:
Depression is not funny. Two of my best friends have it, and it's actually quite hard to watch them suffer with it. They cry all the time, they get upset all the time, they either have wanted to or still do want to kill themselves. It's really not funny to joke about depression.
Okay, boys are known to measure their dicks, but do girls measure their depths?
Why do midgets laugh while they run?
The grass tickles their balls.
I had to stop using cutting jokes because they were getting too deep.
Why should you always knock on the fridge door before opening it?
The salad could be dressing!
What do you call a feminist with a rape whistle? Delusional and optimistic.