Joke jokes
What do Olympic sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing. They fast!
A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners.
“Come again!” says the woman behind the desk.
“No, it’s curry this time.”
I gave a gun to a blind person and told them it was a hair dryer.
This girl came to me and said, "I got raped in my sleep!"
I replied, "I done it as a joke."
-April 1, 2020
You were sleeping, it didn't count - Chloe Foxwell 2021:)))))))
What do you call a dick that doesn't fit in an asshole?
A misfit.
What sound did Stephen Hawking make when he died? Power off.
A man is driving down the road and runs over a rabbit. He slams on his brakes, gets out, and walks up to the flattened bunny. The bunny is obviously expired.
A passing car slams on its brakes and screeches to a halt. The driver of that car runs up to the bunny, pulls out an aerosol can, and sprays the bunny with the aerosol spray. The bunny jumps up, runs a few feet, then stops, turns around, and waves its paw at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. He continues to do this until he’s out of sight.
The first driver looks at the man with the aerosol can and says, “Wow, that is amazing! What is in that can?” The man looks at the can and reads the label, “Hair restorer, with a permanent wave.”
What's the difference between Paul Walker's car and a petite white girl?
There is no difference.
They both got split open by a huge log.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange ya glad this isn't another stupid orphan joke that has been posted 10 times before!
What do you say to an emo's wrist?...
"I like ur cut G."
What is Alabama’s family tree? A circle.
Biden: My girlfriend called me a pedophile. I said, "That's a pretty big word for a 9-year-old!"
What do cannibals call a wheelchair user?
"Uber Eats."
Did you know the giraffe’s hooves are the size of dinner plates? Too bad they would have nothing to put on them!
What's an orphan's least favorite joke?
Dad jokes.
When I die I want to have a piece of paper near me giving a clue on how I died, like, "I want everyone to miss me except for this bullet," or, "You didn't hang with me but guess what did?"
What’s the difference between a baby and an onion?
I cry peeling onions!
You wanna know how to get rid of potential scam callers?
Next time you get a call from them, just answer the phone and say, "Pizza Hut abortion clinic, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce, how may I help you?"
Why do orphans eat dry cereal for breakfast?
They're still waiting for their dad to come back with the milk.