Joke jokes

What’s the difference between video games and my dad?

My dad doesn’t beat me.

The USA guaranteeing freedom of speech is the biggest joke I've heard... Tell that to the people who were almost killed because their cars had "NASCAR Sucks" and "Country and Western is rubbish" on them!

I saw two guys wearing matching clothing, and I asked if they were gay. They quickly arrested me.

What is the difference between the Twin Towers and Elton John?

Elton John is still standing.

What do rocks and girls have in common?

The flat ones get skipped.

What do you call a basketball player with erectile dysfunction?

Tragic Johnson.

I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.

I have some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.

This joke's about flowers, the blue one's a violet.

Your mom's the Twin Towers and I am the pilot!

Did you hear about the fire at Noelle's place?

Her sister is a real Dess-ember!

You must be from Pearl Harbor, 'cause baby, you're the bomb!

A woman's age is harder to get than the President's phone number.

Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and George Washington are on a sinking ship.

As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: “Save the women!”

George W. Bush hysterically hollers: “Screw the women!”

Bill Clinton asks excitedly: “Do we have time?”

What do you call a smart person in America?

A tourist.

A priest, Kelly Clarkson, and Ian Watkins all walk into a bar... only for the bartender to exclaim, "We don't serve your kind around here!" Then he muttered in a low voice, "Fucking paedos."

If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

What’s the Difference Between a Cat and a Comma?

One has claws at the end of its paws, and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.

A photon is checking into a hotel.

The bellhop asks him, "Do you have any luggage?"

The photon replies, "Nope, I'm traveling light."

There's only 3 types of people: the ones who can count and the ones that can't.

What do you get if you cross a loaf of bread with a vagina?

A yeast infection.