Joke jokes
This joke's about flowers, the blue one's a violet.
Your mom's the Twin Towers and I am the pilot!
Did you hear about the fire at Noelle's place?
Her sister is a real Dess-ember!
You must be from Pearl Harbor, 'cause baby, you're the bomb!
A woman's age is harder to get than the President's phone number.
Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and George Washington are on a sinking ship.
As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: “Save the women!”
George W. Bush hysterically hollers: “Screw the women!”
Bill Clinton asks excitedly: “Do we have time?”
What do you call a smart person in America?
A tourist.
A priest, Kelly Clarkson, and Ian Watkins all walk into a bar... only for the bartender to exclaim, "We don't serve your kind around here!" Then he muttered in a low voice, "Fucking paedos."
If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
What’s the Difference Between a Cat and a Comma?
One has claws at the end of its paws, and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.
A photon is checking into a hotel.
The bellhop asks him, "Do you have any luggage?"
The photon replies, "Nope, I'm traveling light."
There's only 3 types of people: the ones who can count and the ones that can't.
What do you get if you cross a loaf of bread with a vagina?
A yeast infection.
Beer Bottle: You break me, you get one year of bad luck!
Mirror: You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get seven years of bad luck!
Condom: Hahaha... (Condom walks off laughing)
Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.
Yo momma is so ugly, she made my Happy Meal cry.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when I push my autistic brother down the stairs.
What do you call a well endowed gay male who is also in a wheelchair?
Meals on wheels.
What's black, white, and red all over? A nun on her period.
When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.
Adam and Eve are wondering whether they are black or white. Eve says, "Why don't you go and ask God?"
So Adam goes into the Garden of Eden and shouts out to God, "Are we black or white?" A big booming voice bellows out, "You are what you are."
He immediately goes back to Eve and tells her that they are white. "How do you know?" asks Eve. "Because he said, 'You are what you are,'" Adam replied. "Why does that mean we are white?" asked Eve. "Because if we were black, He would have said, 'You is what you is.'"