Joke jokes
Why did the football player go to the bank?
To get his quarter back.
Are you a razor? 'Cause you make me red.
Are you a mental hospital? Cause I need to be in you.
Vegan is actually an old Indian word for "bad hunter."
What’s the difference between a cancer patient and a British news reporter in the South?
They usually don’t live to tell the tale.
What did Bill Cosby say on the second date?
"Hi, nice to meet you."
I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I have sex my eyes hurt.
He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.
You know why they call me 007?
0 girls.
0 chances.
7 restraining orders.
What’s the hardest part about being a PEDO?
Fitting in.
My wife said she wanted steamed vegetables with her steak, so I put her father in the hot tub.
Why do people hate abortion jokes?
It leaves you with an empty feeling inside.
What's black and eats Kitty?
Serval cancer.
What is the difference between a broom and a mop?
It’s hard to beat my girlfriend when she’s holding the mop.
A Thai woman ran into a wall. What does she break?
Her boner.
What is the difference between a cow and 9/11?
You can’t milk a cow for 15 years.
What’s the difference between video games and my dad?
My dad doesn’t beat me.
The USA guaranteeing freedom of speech is the biggest joke I've heard... Tell that to the people who were almost killed because their cars had "NASCAR Sucks" and "Country and Western is rubbish" on them!
I saw two guys wearing matching clothing, and I asked if they were gay. They quickly arrested me.
What is the difference between the Twin Towers and Elton John?
Elton John is still standing.
What do rocks and girls have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.