Job jokes
Jobs,
50 shapes head.
Why do orphans like boomerangs more than their parents? The boomerang comes back.
One day I saw a kid cry, so I go, "Let's go find your parents." I miss my job at the orphanage.
Why do orphans get lost on boats? They can't find the home room.
Prostitution. The only job that pays more if you suck.
My boss found my permanent record at the orphanage, and he’s mad. I got fired...
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, that's a hardware problem.
Today sucked. My girlfriend got hit by a car, and I lost my job as an Uber driver.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw the baby.
When I saw a dead body on the ground and my editor was filming, I told him to censor that a-hole. When I saw the completed product, he censored me. Then I killed him.
What do you call someone who fixes walls?
Juan, probably.
Why are there a lot of whites in hockey?
It’s the only other job that involves beating something black other than being a cop.
I got fired from my job at the bank today.
An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Me: Have you seen a Mr. Weewoo?
Most people: No.
Me: He drives the ambulance downstairs.
Wait, isn't this Sans' job to make a joke?
A gay man enters a bar. At the counter, he sees a skinhead sitting, which he somehow finds cute. He gathers all his courage, goes to the skinhead and whispers to him, "Do you want a blowjob?"
The skinhead punches the gay man in the face with his fist, causing him to go down. Then he drags him outside into the parking lot and kicks him again with his boots before going back inside and sitting down at the counter.
"Man," says the bartender, "but you beat him up quite a bit! What did the man even say to you that you were so freaked out?"
"I don't know," replies the skinhead, "something about a job..."
I put on my hazmat suit, and grabbed my equipment, and said, "My time to shine!"
What is the difference between a carpet muncher and a female prostitute?
If you want a female prostitute to be a carpet muncher, you have to give her money.
Got a job at the library yesterday... It lasted fifteen minutes... Turns out books about women's rights don't belong in the fiction section.
What do lady dogs (bitches) wear to work?
Pant suits.
Why did the dwarf get a job at Lidl?
Because every Lidl helps.
Sailors are coming onto the boardwalk and are met by Colonel Sanders. He asks them, "What is your occupation?" They respond, "We are seamen." So he says, "Well, you better wash up 'cause I'm finger lickin' good!"