Job jokes

I'm thinking of getting a job as a gardener--pushing up the daisies!

I'm great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

You must work at McDonald's because you have a McDouble chin.

I should probably stop making jokes about 9/11.

My dad died to it, he was a great pilot.

The toothbrush says, "I have the worst job in the whole world."

The toilet paper behind him says, "Yeah, right."

I got fired for not doing enough work.

Guess I didn’t put enough backbone into it.

- I work with animals.

- Great! What job?

- A butcher.

My job is so amazing.

Today a man asked me to check his balance, so I pushed him over. His balance isn't good.

You will never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace.

Why did the man get fired from work? Because he took two days off in February.

Literally the most popular job: YouTube.

My dad was in 9/11, that's rude, and he was a great pilot.

Daughter: Hey Dad, can I use your car?

Dad: Sure, but first you have to give me a blow job."

Daughter: Okay, (proceeds to service dad). Dad, ewww, your dick tastes like shite!"

Dad: Oh, that's right, I lent your brother the car.

Why is being an electrician the easiest job in the world? It's literally light work.

My dad died in 9/11.

He was a good pilot.

My ex got hit by a bus yesterday. I nearly lost my job.

What would you name a detective if he didn't already have a name?

Cassie.

Get it?

If a master fisherman had a caddie, what would be the caddie's job title?

A master baiter.

My Grandpa killed 30 Air Force pilots in WW2. He was a very bad mechanic.

My sister is so stupid, she thought LBJ was a blow job.