I did a ton of work, a skele-ton
As a straight son, one day I asked my mom, "Have you ever quit something that you did before?" My mom said, "No, I never quit anything." So I asked my when you give a blow job you ever spit, then my mom said, "What did I say? Quitters are for spitters."
I got a job at a library,i got fired after 15 minutes,they told me it was because I put women's right in fiction section
If you were to ask me, "What is the easiest job in the world?", it would be an Australian psychiatrist.
"G'Day, G'Day...how you doing...no worries, next!"
My stepdad took me to work, and he told me I could climb trees.
I woke up in a hospital. Wait, did I mention that my stepdad was a lumberjack?
Where do mermaids get a job?
At the kelp wanted station.
Why did the dwarf work at Tesco?
Because every little bit helps!
Why did the Invisible Man turn down a job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.
What does a gynecologist and delivery driver have in common?
Whenever they’re hungry, they can just scrape a little cheese off the top of the box.
Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing!
Your mama is so ugly, she summoned Bloody Mary.
She handed her an application through the mirror.
Once I almost died. I'll give it another shot out of the gun to finish my job.
Why did the Headless Horseman get a job?
He was trying to get ahead in life.
A guy asked me what I do for a living.
Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"
Why was the computer late for work
He had a hard drive
As an actor going to film a new TV show in another country, when TSA asks, "What’s the purpose of your visit?"... "I’m going to shoot a pilot" is never a good answer.
What did the Alabama graduate say to the Tennessee graduate?
"Welcome to McDonald's, may I take your order please?"
So I was asleep and woke up and went to work. My wife left already to her job. I was driving my car and ran over someone. I woke up in my bed, realized it was all a dream.
20 minutes later I got a phone call that my wife got hit by a car.
I have a really good construction joke, but I’ll have to post it later because I’m still working on it.
You should never date a prospector. They're all just gold diggers.
