Job jokes

What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator ;)

How do you paint a wall red?

You shoot a baby with a .50 cal.

I sat down and reminisced about the past. I remembered all the people I've lost along the way.

Maybe becoming a tour guide wasn't a good idea.

Why does Job have an Area 51 head? Because his head is the shape of a 🦖.

As an actor going to film a new TV show in another country, when TSA asks, "What’s the purpose of your visit?"... "I’m going to shoot a pilot" is never a good answer.

Why did the man get fired from work? Because he took two days off in February.

Got fired from the bank yesterday.

They caught me drinking on the job.

At my sample place, I handed my wife a fork and I lost my job.

My sister is so stupid, she thought LBJ was a blow job.

I lost my job at a research facility. The people were too chill for me.

To a Mexican person: When I first met you, I thought you were going to say, "My name is Enrique, I have a job for you."

Yo mama is so fat, when she was a spy, she was called "double obese."

I saw a trophy in my sister's room. So I said congratulations on your cheer leading. My sister said I didn't win the trophy for cheer leading, so I asked why. My sister said I won because I give the best jobs.

You're so ugly that when you came out of the haunted house, you had a job offer.

What is the biggest fear of firefighters?

Burnout at work.

Why can't emos work at a restaurant? Because they cut too much.

Am I doing my work? Because typing this took lots of work.

Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?

He just needed a little space.

What's the only time women are doing real work? When they are giving blow jobs.

Why was the barber mad because I gave him a buzzcut?