Job jokes

My sister told me she liked Medusa.

I said, "Huh?"

My sister said my blow jobs are so good she looks up at the guy's facial expression, and when they look down, they do nothing but stay still.

I have a better version of this joke.

How to make a plumber cry: Simple, kill his family. That’ll definitely turn on the waterworks.

As a doctor myself, that nurse was very slow, she tested my patience!

I like sucking the Twin Towers off, but then I forgot dad already finished the job.

My career is worth more than your adoption.

I saw a little girl crying, and I said, "Where are your parents?" That day, I got fired from the orphanage. 🤪

Why was the duck fired from the train station?

He was a bad conducktor!

What's another place orphans can't work at besides SC Johnson?

The Home Depot.

What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!

Today was no fun. A rhino escaped from the zoo and ate two parents, and I lost my job as zookeeper.

I had a new "blonde parts expert" woman call for parts. I needed 2 ought wire for a job. She calls NAPA auto and asks for twat wire. The parts guy was assuming she didn't know about Planned Parenthood? .. 😂🤣

I did a good job of being home from school.

Why is a waiter good at math?

Because he knows his TABLES! 🤣

Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback!

When I saw your hairline, I thought you worked at McDonald’s.

Little boy: Momma?

Mom: Yes, my dear.

Little boy: One day I wanna work in McDonald's.

Mom: Why!?

Little boy: Just to see if their ice cream machine is actually broken.

I was at work and then a little kid came up to me and she said, "What happened to all the parents?" She sounded so confused, so I told her, "It's only yours, kid, they left you on purpose." She cried. I felt bad for a second and thought, oh well, time to get back to my job at the orphanage.

I saw a child crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were.

Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.

I put on my hazmat suit, and grabbed my equipment, and said, "My time to shine!"

I used to work for a company called 69. My friend took over my position.