Job jokes

How it be when the new guy takes too long...

Hay Danny, it's me Johnny.

Johnny: Boss says to kill the guy in red. Point the gun at his head.

Danny: Ok, target locked. 3... 2... 1... bang.

Johnny: Danny, hope you did not get the man in red.

Danny: OH MY BRO FOR REALL.

What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!

A hand job from a deaf person counts as oral.

My sister told me she liked Medusa.

I said, "Huh?"

My sister said my blow jobs are so good she looks up at the guy's facial expression, and when they look down, they do nothing but stay still.

When I saw your hairline, I thought you worked at McDonald’s.

I have a better version of this joke.

How to make a plumber cry: Simple, kill his family. That’ll definitely turn on the waterworks.

Today was no fun. A rhino escaped from the zoo and ate two parents, and I lost my job as zookeeper.

I had a new "blonde parts expert" woman call for parts. I needed 2 ought wire for a job. She calls NAPA auto and asks for twat wire. The parts guy was assuming she didn't know about Planned Parenthood? .. 😂🤣

I did a good job of being home from school.

Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback!

Why is a waiter good at math?

Because he knows his TABLES! 🤣

I think I would like a job cleaning mirrors. It's just something I could really see myself doing.

So, I was walking around the outside of the building and I saw a kid and asked, "Where's your parents?" I love working at the orphanage.

I was at work and then a little kid came up to me and she said, "What happened to all the parents?" She sounded so confused, so I told her, "It's only yours, kid, they left you on purpose." She cried. I felt bad for a second and thought, oh well, time to get back to my job at the orphanage.

What's the difference between a businessman and a businesswoman? Wo!

Some moving men had just begun their day's work.

The first thing they brought into the house was a huge couch.

The owner came in and asked how everything was going. They replied, "Sofa so good."

I never knew what my dad's job was.

One day, at school, I got a scam phone call, later, I got another, and another. I finally had enough and answered the phone, but to make an impact I said "Hello?"

My dad answered...

I saw a kid crying today. I asked him where his parents were.

I love working at an orphanage.

Why couldn't the NASA astronaut enter his rocket to leave Earth?

There wasn't enough space to fly it.

I saw a child crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were.

Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.