Job Jokes

Why did the Invisible Man turn down a job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.

I shouted at a kid. I told him to get his parents.

It was the last time I worked at an orphanage, 🤣.

I got a job at a library. I got fired after 15 minutes. They told me it was because I put women's rights in the fiction section.

What did the Alabama graduate say to the Tennessee graduate?

"Welcome to McDonald's, may I take your order please?"

I hate my job—all I do is crush cans all day. It’s soda pressing.

So I was asleep and woke up and went to work. My wife left already to her job. I was driving my car and ran over someone. I woke up in my bed, realized it was all a dream.

20 minutes later I got a phone call that my wife got hit by a car.

I lost my job by giving up my seat to someone.

I didn't know you're not supposed to do that if you're a bus driver!

"Prostitutes love their jobs; they're always having a blast!"

Why can't orphans work at SC Johnson?

Because it's a family company.

My girlfriend got ran over by a bus. I lost my job as a bus driver.

Why did the dwarf get a job at Lidl?

Because every Lidl helps.

What’s the difference between a job and a wife?

The job keeps sucking after 5 years.

Why can’t orphans work at SC Johnson’s?

Because it’s a family company.

Wood-fired pizza.

How would pizza get a job now?

You should never date a prospector. They're all just gold diggers.

I have a really good construction joke, but I’ll have to post it later because I’m still working on it.

A man goes into a job interview and sits down.

The interviewer is looking over his resume and says, "I see here that there's a 4-year gap on your resume. What were you doing?"

The man says, "Oh, that was when I went to Yale!"

The interviewer is impressed and says, "That's great! You're hired!"

The man smiles. "Really? I'm so glad, because I really need this Yob."

Everybody is wondering what position Kenny will give his brother in their new company.

Probably top.

Kenny likes to be the bottom in every sexual encounter.

Aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?

I went to the bank to apply for a Personal Loan.

Then they found out I wanted to be a rapper, so they didn't want to Post M"loan."