Job jokes

Why did the dwarf work at Tesco?

Because every little bit helps!

Why did the Invisible Man turn down a job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.

I shouted at a kid. I told him to get his parents.

It was the last time I worked at an orphanage, 🤣.

I got a job at a library. I got fired after 15 minutes. They told me it was because I put women's rights in the fiction section.

What did the Alabama graduate say to the Tennessee graduate?

"Welcome to McDonald's, may I take your order please?"

I hate my job—all I do is crush cans all day. It’s soda pressing.

Why did the telemarketer cross the road?

I don't know.

I don't know either, but I hope there was a car coming.

So I was asleep and woke up and went to work. My wife left already to her job. I was driving my car and ran over someone. I woke up in my bed, realized it was all a dream.

20 minutes later I got a phone call that my wife got hit by a car.

I lost my job by giving up my seat to someone.

I didn't know you're not supposed to do that if you're a bus driver!

"Prostitutes love their jobs; they're always having a blast!"

Why can't orphans work at SC Johnson?

Because it's a family company.

My girlfriend got ran over by a bus. I lost my job as a bus driver.

Why did the dwarf get a job at Lidl?

Because every Lidl helps.

What’s the difference between a job and a wife?

The job keeps sucking after 5 years.

Why can’t orphans work at SC Johnson’s?

Because it’s a family company.

Wood-fired pizza.

How would pizza get a job now?

You should never date a prospector. They're all just gold diggers.

I have a really good construction joke, but I’ll have to post it later because I’m still working on it.

A man goes into a job interview and sits down.

The interviewer is looking over his resume and says, "I see here that there's a 4-year gap on your resume. What were you doing?"

The man says, "Oh, that was when I went to Yale!"

The interviewer is impressed and says, "That's great! You're hired!"

The man smiles. "Really? I'm so glad, because I really need this Yob."

My grandfather died at Auschwitz.

Poor fella fell off the guard tower.