Job jokes
Why did the dwarf work at Tesco?
Because every little bit helps!
Why did the Invisible Man turn down a job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.
I shouted at a kid. I told him to get his parents.
It was the last time I worked at an orphanage, 🤣.
I got a job at a library. I got fired after 15 minutes. They told me it was because I put women's rights in the fiction section.
What did the Alabama graduate say to the Tennessee graduate?
"Welcome to McDonald's, may I take your order please?"
Memes
I hate my job—all I do is crush cans all day. It’s soda pressing.
Why did the telemarketer cross the road?
I don't know.
I don't know either, but I hope there was a car coming.
So I was asleep and woke up and went to work. My wife left already to her job. I was driving my car and ran over someone. I woke up in my bed, realized it was all a dream.
20 minutes later I got a phone call that my wife got hit by a car.
I lost my job by giving up my seat to someone.
I didn't know you're not supposed to do that if you're a bus driver!
"Prostitutes love their jobs; they're always having a blast!"
Why can't orphans work at SC Johnson?
Because it's a family company.
My girlfriend got ran over by a bus. I lost my job as a bus driver.
Why did the dwarf get a job at Lidl?
Because every Lidl helps.
What’s the difference between a job and a wife?
The job keeps sucking after 5 years.
Why can’t orphans work at SC Johnson’s?
Because it’s a family company.
Wood-fired pizza.
How would pizza get a job now?
You should never date a prospector. They're all just gold diggers.
I have a really good construction joke, but I’ll have to post it later because I’m still working on it.
A man goes into a job interview and sits down.
The interviewer is looking over his resume and says, "I see here that there's a 4-year gap on your resume. What were you doing?"
The man says, "Oh, that was when I went to Yale!"
The interviewer is impressed and says, "That's great! You're hired!"
The man smiles. "Really? I'm so glad, because I really need this Yob."
Everybody is wondering what position Kenny will give his brother in their new company.
Probably top.
Kenny likes to be the bottom in every sexual encounter.