Job jokes
Once there was a man. A man who had a butt.
Once he was at this job interview and he was going to get the job, but just before the boss was going to hire him, he farted. It was a really bad one. It was 47 minutes long and so loud the windows rattled. When it was over, the man screamed and jumped out the window.
He didn't get the job.
There was a Cheerio that had a job. He worked hard at it, and the boss came up and promoted him to the vice president of the Cheerios. So he needed a speech. He kept practicing and practicing and now he was thirsty. It was almost time for his speech, so he went to the drinking fountain, but there was a huge line. So he went to the lake, but he saw tons of garbage and what he thought was a cereal killer. So he found this bowl of punch, but he realized... there was no punchline.
If a master fisherman had a caddie, what would be the caddie's job title?
A master baiter.
How is being in the military like getting a blowjob?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
I want a job cleaning mirrors. I could really see myself doing it!
What does a construction worker say to another construction worker?
Screw you!
Why did the female dicktator get fired? She had too much dick!
My girlfriend got ran over by a bus. I lost my job as a bus driver.
I was working for Space X. I was instructed to control a satellite's orbit rotation when suddenly the screen went black. I investigated and found out one of Penaldos penalty had hit and destroyed the satellite. Shame on you Penaldo for ruining my dream job!
Why didn't the sun get a job? Seriously, I have no idea why. Help me!
The only profession where one could have coronavirus and still go to work is a suicide terrorist.
Got a job at the library yesterday... It lasted fifteen minutes... Turns out books about women's rights don't belong in the fiction section.
Why did the dwarf work at Tesco?
Because every little bit helps!
Today was a really bad day. My mother-in-law was hit by a cab AND I lost my job as a cab driver!
What's an orphan's dream job?
A builder, to build themselves a home.
I never knew what my dad's job was.
One day, at school, I got a scam phone call, later, I got another, and another. I finally had enough and answered the phone, but to make an impact I said "Hello?"
My dad answered...
Am I a guard or a guava?
I gave up my seat to blind lady because she couldn't find any--let's just say I lost my job as a bus driver.
How do you make a blow job OSHA compliant? You add a railing!
How do you make a plumber cry?
Break his pipes...