Ives jokes

I've been taking Viagras for sunburn.

It keeps the sheets off my bed at night!

I've done a skele-TON of work to think of this joke. Trust me, I've got a FEW more jokes!

I’ve seen doorknobs more interesting than LEO.

I've had conversations with many people. Some of them were drier than my dad's ashes.

I've seen more charisma in a wet mop than in BLESSEDBRIAN'S personality.

I’ve seen more life in a trampled garden gnome than in BLESSEDBRIAN’S jokes.

A weasel walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Wow, I’ve never seen a weasel before. What can I get you?”

“Pop,” goes the weasel.

I've reached the age where looking in the mirror is like checking the news. I know there'll be some new developments I won't like.

A book just fell on my head. I’ve got only my shelf to blame!

Yo momma so fat, Santa said, "Ho, ho, ho, I've gotta go!"

I sat down and reminisced about the past. I remembered all the people I've lost along the way.

Maybe becoming a tour guide wasn't a good idea.

I've started playing the triangle for a reggae band. It's pretty casual.

I just stand at the back and ting.

I had the best butterfingers yesterday.

I dropped it.

I just gotta come out and say it: I like miners, and I don’t care what y’all think. I mean the fact that they are risking their lives just to make ours a little easier is amazing. I’ve always wanted to marry one, to be honest. Y’all need to give more respect to the mining ⛏ community.

I've been sad recently that the Twin Towers aren't around, so I made the conclusion to build a time machine to watch it again.

I don't know why, but every 911 joke I've heard always comes crashing down.

Me: What do you want to do for your birthday?

Fiancé: I want to go somewhere I've never been before!

Me: Well welcome to the Kitchen!

I've been looking for my parents for years.

For the life of me, I can't remember where I hid their bodies.

It's been a while since I've talked to either Prince or tj. Do any of you boys wanna chat? Plapls?

I've heard stories of my mother. She was a teenager and left me in the blender, but luckily the power cut out, like at the orphanage.