Itself jokes

I wish my grass was emo, so then it could cut itself.

What did the cheese say to itself in the mirror?

"Halloumi, who's the tastiest of them all?"

If you have emo grass and don't pay attention to it, it will cut itself.

Why did the orphan kill itself?

Because he's depressed about no family.

You're so ugly that when you walk past the toilet, it flushes itself.

I wish the grass in my back lawn was emo, because then it would cut itself.

You don't need brains to be a Boss.

When the body was first created, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, "I should be Boss because I control all of the body's responses and functions."

The feet said, "We should be Boss since we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."

The hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."

Finally, the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So, the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.

Within a short time, the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic, and the brain fevered. Eventually, they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!

Moral Of The Story: You don't need a brain to be a Boss----any asshole will do.

My Dad: Son, history always repeats itself.

Me: So you're gonna leave me again?

I wish my lawn was emo so it would cut itself.

I tried to name my grass "emo" so it will cut itself.

Me and my suicidal friend are close, so I took him to the mall to treat him.

We bought snacks, a new controller for his Xbox, and LED lights for his room to hopefully brighten his mood. After we scanned the last item, the machine beeped by itself.

What did the cheese say to itself in the mirror?

"Haloomi."

I wish my grass was emo, so it would cut itself.

Um, I need help. How should I deal with depression?

Joke: I wish my grass was emo, so it would cut itself.

I named my grass emo, and it cut itself.

Yo mama is so ugly that when she turned on the TV, it changed channels by itself.

Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.

It insists upon itself, Lois, it insists upon itself.

How many police officers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They wait for it to turn itself in.

Your hairline's so far back, even Rosa Parks refused to sit in the back; it went all the way there itself.