it's jokes
Who was not happy that the Titanic sank? The fish under it.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite drink?
Milk, because his parents never came back with it.
Why do I have to go to a shooting range when I can go to school and do it for free?
The weirdest thing happened to me today. I was driving 50 mph and hit a speed bump and it screamed!
Smile, because it confuses people. Smile, because it’s easier than explaining what is killing you inside.
Did you hear the joke about the butter?
What is it?
I can’t tell you, you’ll spread it.
A man walks into a magic forest, when he stumbles upon a talking tree and tries to cut it down. The tree says, "You can't cut me down, I'm a talking tree!" The man replies, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."
Dad: Hey son, wanna hear a joke?
Son: Sure thing, dad!
Dad: Your mother and I are getting a divorce. She found out that I was sleeping with the neighbor's dog!
Son: I don't get the joke, dad.
Dad: It's my life, son! My life is the joke.
What do you say when you see your TV floating away at night?
"Drop it, Jamal!"
When the school shooter pulls the fire alarm, and the autistic kid thinks it’s a rave party.
Sleep, but make it forever.
I will always remember my grandfather's last words: "I'll just check if it's poisonous."
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? Are you kidding? Feminists can’t change anything.
What is the smartest month?
April - No one can fool it.
What's the best response to a girl saying, 'What's up?'
'If I tell you, will you sit on it?'
A good woman is like a good cup of coffee, especially when it’s strong and hot with a little bit of cream in it.
Why can't the orphan play baseball?
Because it doesn't know where home is... *sniff*
It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. “No,” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.” “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible... But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?” The man shakes his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”
So the other day, I was looking up zodiac sign stuff, you know, I'm a real big fan of that, and I come across this thing and it’s like all zodiac signs have their own hairstyles... except Cancer.
First of all, if a woman sues Bill Cosby for drugging and rape 50 years ago, and she could still remember it, it couldn't have been all bad.