it's jokes

So I didn't want my mom going through my laptop, so I put a touch screen on it where you just have to tap the screen to unlock it. Jokes on her, she doesn't have any fingers.

If at first it doesn't succeed, try, try again.

I was wondering why the basketball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

There was always that one specific person you thought ruined your life, but it turns out your life has always been ruined by you being in it.

Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.

You gotta give it to JD Vance. He is consistent; he is Putin his dick where it don't belong!

Well, somebody has to cushion the blow.

Women: “Men used to go to war, now they go to clubs.”

Men: “Women used to fear their nudes getting leaked, now it’s $3.99.”

Did you hear about the light bulb party? Yeah, it was pretty lit!

Q: How do you know a wishing well works?

A: If your mother-in-law falls down it.

What do you call an hourglass with no sand in it?

A waist of time.

I went on a walk with a super pretty girl, then she saw me and it turned into a run.

Isn't it strange that the LGBTQ flag only has straight lines?

Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.

Why can't the orphan play baseball?

Because it doesn't know where home is... *sniff*

A man walks into a magic forest, when he stumbles upon a talking tree and tries to cut it down. The tree says, "You can't cut me down, I'm a talking tree!" The man replies, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."

What do you say when you see your TV floating away at night?

"Drop it, Jamal!"

Who was not happy that the Titanic sank? The fish under it.

What’s an orphan’s least favorite drink?

Milk, because his parents never came back with it.

My math teacher keeps telling me to find his x. It's kinda creepy.

They say there’s a person capable of murder in every friendship group.

I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.