it's jokes
Did you hear about the light bulb party? Yeah, it was pretty lit!
Q: How do you know a wishing well works?
A: If your mother-in-law falls down it.
What do you call an hourglass with no sand in it?
A waist of time.
What does a penis and a Rubik's cube have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
It's funny how teachers are supposed to educate new lives, but only teach certain kids how much they want to commit suicide and how many ways there are.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum?
A meltdown.
People be like: "What happened to Fruit Ninja? It was on your phone."
Me: "I upgraded, now I can play on my pro max thigh/wrists."
I was wondering why the basketball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
The depressed kid wanted a high-five from the tree, but it left him hangin'.
Q. What walks through alleys and has a hole in it?
A. Batman's parents.
So I didn't want my mom going through my laptop, so I put a touch screen on it where you just have to tap the screen to unlock it. Jokes on her, she doesn't have any fingers.
If at first it doesn't succeed, try, try again.
A boy and a girl are showering together. The girl looks down and says to the boy, "Hey, can I touch it?" The boy replies, "Oh hell nah. You already ripped yours off."
How long does it take for 5 babies to die in the microwave?
I don't know, I can't count while I masturbate...
Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.
What is a tower's favorite bagel? I don't know, but it sure as hell ain't plain.
I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid. They were still breathing, so I told them to walk it off.
I’ve always been a bit insecure about having thicker thighs.
Now I realize it allows me to fit more scars!
What is the smartest month?
April - No one can fool it.