it's jokes
When I was walking home, a couple of married guys were saying, "Your mom is good at her job," but I realized my mom doesn't work.
So I ask my mom, "Why are these guys saying you're good at your job? You don't work." My mom said, "Yeah, I got a new job." So I said, "What do you do?" My mom said, "Job hand, no, I mean it's called a hand job."
This morning, I was having a conversation with my ex-boyfriend about reincarnation. I said to him, "If you could come back in the next life as anything, what would you come back as?" He thought about it for a minute and says, "A tree. That way, everybody can look at me and admire me."
Then he says the same thing to me. I started thinking about it when these two sexy, half-naked studs walked by. One was a jock, the other on his bicycle. I know I said I want to come back as a jockstrap or a bicycle seat, but knowing my luck, I'll come back as a tampon.
There are two kids sitting in a classroom: Lily and John. Lily sleeps in class every day.
The teacher asks Lily who made heaven and earth. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"
The teacher says, "That's right."
The teacher says the next day she asks the same question. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"
"That's right," the teacher says.
The next day she asks Lily what did Eve say to Adam after their 100th. John pokes her again. "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I'mma break it in half!" she shouts.
I got home one day and a Spanish guy, white guy, black guy told me that your sister knows her meats.
She won a trophy. We blindfolded her, then my sister said, "Yeah, I was blindfolded, and I gave all three of them blowjobs and I had to guess which flavor of the meat it was."
The Trophy said Best Blowjobs. As a brother, I couldn't be prouder.
Did you hear about the broken guitar for sale?
It comes with no strings attached.
Why do Chinese people like playing Among Us?
It’s the only place they can vote!
I'm gonna open up a bar for emos.
I think I'll call it "The Cutting Board."
My mom asked, "Why are you so depressed? It could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer."
I replied, "I wish I were Tracy Latimer because then someone would kill me."
Yo momma so dumb, the doctor wanted to give her a blood transfusion but she said no because she thought it would turn her trans.
So, this kid told me what high school he was going to and asked me if I thought he would make it in.
I said, "No, they don't have double doors."
Did you know there was food on the plane that caused 9/11?
It was the bomb.
Asian conversation:
Person 1: Ni hao, how's it going?
Person 2: Konnichiwa, what's up?
Person 1: I've bing chilling.
Random words in my keyboard:
The most annoying part of this game has always been that the players don’t know how much time it takes to get to the table before you start playing them.
More random keyboard words made into sentences:
This was a joke that was made by someone who had never been to the game before, but who was the first person to make it into a game of game with the intention of being able to play the first person who played it.
Why did the terrorist masturbate and smoke weed on the plane?
He was told to high-jack it.
Why was the first orphan phone an iPhone X?
Because it doesn't have a home button.
How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb?
Definitely not 13, because my basement is still dark.
Your hairline is so bad that the queen died when looking at it!
I just came up with a really good deaf people joke! The great thing is that they won't be able to hear it!
Me: Mom, I think I need to go to the hospital.
Mom: OMG, why son?
Me: I don't know what's wrong, but every time I close my eyes, I can see.
Think about it, then spread LMAO.