it's jokes
Is it just me, or when you wipe your ass too deep, it reminds you of your uncle? Just me?
A blonde starts a new job at a local car dealership when a wealthy gentleman comes in looking for a spacious car for his large family. The blonde is excited as she gets commission, so eagerly shows him the most expensive SUVs.
The gentleman has a good look around before saying to the blonde, "It looks perfect.... But cargo space?" To which she instantly replied, "Oh, I'm sorry, sir, car only for road."
How many Russians does it take to change a light bulb?
I don't know, they just keep Putin them in.
Go to the replies, look at the top and it will say "in your mum."
You call it a tragedy. I call it a 25 killstreak.
Dad: If you study, then I will buy you a new iPhone.
Son: Okay, I'll do it!
5 hours later...
Son: I'm done!
Dad: I lied.
Son: So did I!
When you are eating delicious street food in China and you ask the chef: You: "Is this chicken?" Chef: "No, its meow meow."
It's not nice to make 9/11 jokes. My uncle died in 9/11...
He was one of al qaeda's best pilots.
Your hairline is so far back, even Vegeta laughed at it!
I was going to make a bulimia joke, but suddenly it just felt so empty.
A blind comedian was asked to do stand up for a hospital. No one laughed at his jokes, so he continued to sing, "If you're happy and you know it..." The room was full of arm amputees.
39, 41, 43, AK, 47, AK-47. You get it? Lmao.
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?” Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil. “Jesus Christ almighty!” shouts Molly. “Correct,” says the teacher. The next day the teacher asks, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?” Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack’s pencil. “Jesus Christ almighty!” she shouts. “Correct again,” says the teacher. The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep. This time the teacher asks her, “What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?” Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams “If you stick that thing in me one more time I’m going to crack it in half!”
Dark humour is like skin.
The darker it is, the less people like it.
I once heard my dad shout, "I'm going to be like Frozen and let it go!" Then I heard a gunshot.
The coach yelled at me when I stole home. I ran home with the base and asked him where to put it.
What is the difference between a zebra and a female NCO?
A zebra didn't have to suck and fuck to get its stripes.
I got you the candy. Haha! You idiot, it's poison!
What does it say on Stephen Hawking's headstone?
R. I. P. Roll in Peace.
Jesus has died on the cross to take away our sins. He has all power, but he won’t abuse it. He will help us through tough times. Have you ever felt that feeling in you that something is a bad idea? That’s Jesus. He is the savior and never let anyone say different.
Our Lord will watch us. We will go to Heaven, the promised land, only as long as we believe he’s real and always here. Don’t let anyone speak less and make you disbelieve in our Lord. This is your choice: believe and go to Heaven, or don’t believe and go to Hell, an eternal death. Make a choice.