it's jokes

I bought my friend a rope for his birthday. He said it was the most violent book ever.

Which president has never gone to jail?

Lincoln because he's innocent in a cent, get it?

Guy 1: Hey, can you stop making 9/11 jokes? My dad died during it.

Guy 2: Sorry, I will stop. What was your dad?

Guy 1: The pilot. He saw a KFC and wanted it, so, well, you know.

How long is it?

Your hairline is so wonky that it looks like the McDonald’s sign.

What is tall when it's young but short when it's old?

A candle or a pencil!

*sans*: Why was the skeleton depressed? Because Frisk keeps resetting and it resets when he lost his phone.

Feel my shirt...it's boyfriend material.

It’s sad how my friend was struck from the medical register for sleeping with a patient.

He was a great vet.

When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead, I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.

So, there was a male whale and a female whale swimming through the ocean. One day the male whale sees a ship and says, "That's the ship that killed my parents!" So they go to the ship and blow the ship over and throw the men overboard into the sea.

The male whale sees the man who killed his parents and he was still alive, so he opened his mouth and went for the man, but out of nowhere the female whale yells, "Hey!! I was in it for the blowjob, but I'm not gonna eat seamen!"

How do Chinese people name their kids?

They roll a coin down the staircase and it says, "Ching chang chong..."

You call it Hell. I call it Saunaworld DX.

My family loves to have dance parties. My dad will just play music from his iPod, and I'll go to the light switch and make a nice strobe light effect. Everyone loves it, especially my younger cousin. He gets down on the floor and starts breakdancing! It makes him so happy, and he needs that extra joy in his life, especially since the doctor recently diagnosed him with epilepsy.

Did you guys know that Chancellor Palpatine is suing Nike?

Apparently, the company stole his slogan: Just "Do It."

Why is sex with pandas so much fun?

I don't know, it just is. 🐼

Q: How do you make a door cry?

A: Twist its knob.

It would have been better if Martin Luther King didn’t have a dream.

You know, for his sake.

Is it still called beef if two vegetarians are arguing?

My parents created a joke 11 years ago and people are still laughing at it, but I know it's not me because jokes have meaning.