it's jokes

Mia’s mother has 5 kids: Lilly, Abby, Alexa, Mila, and.... Q: Who is last? A: Mia.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Little old lady. Little old lady who? Little old lady, you don’t need to yodel about it!

I gave a blind kid a gun and said it was a blow dryer.

Talking about planets with my nephew.

He asked if you could plow thru Uranus because it's all gas.

So, at school there are these twins. At my school, I folded two paper airplanes to throw at them. Once I realized why it felt so wrong to do it, I had already threw them. I hit the north, then the south one.

Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be water melon.

What’s 8 inches and women scream when they see it?

A puppy, you dirty monkey!

I was given an invisibility cloak by my grandfather, but it was stolen in 2013. After investigating this issue, I have come to the conclusion it was Robert Lewandisney.

That's why he was invisible in every big game since 2013. SHAME ON YOU LEWANDISNEY!

Hey.

Girl: Hey.

Damn, I forgot my spray bottle.

Girl: What?

It says "spray on flat surfaces."

Irritable Bowel Syndrome saved me from depression...

It’s hard to feel empty when you’re so full of shiii fuck ur mom.

"Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? You're adopted. Haley says she likes me more than you."

Yo hairline so far back, it goes back to Jesus on the cross!

How to kick a deaf person off the plane:

Step 1: Pretend to yell and get some friends to do it, too.

Step 2: Tell your friends to raise both of their hands.

Step 3: He's out of the plane on a parachute.

Q: What do you call a duck that's sad?

A: Idk, but it's acting really duckpressed.

*Coughs roughly* Oh my God, it hurts so much. I can't see. It burns! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! *Weakly*

I'd mop the floor with your face, but you might just mess it up more.

Dear Orphans,

I have a better orphanage for you. It's my basement :)

The best way to tell someone that you don't like them is by texting them "370HSSV 0773H" and tell them to read it upside down.

Q: Why is Saturn a boy planet?

A: Because he has a nice ring to it.

I gave a blind person a gun and said it was a hair dryer.

You think you're funny? Look at your hairline; it looks like a McDonald's sample.