it's jokes

Q: What was the last thing the United Healthcare CEO heard before he got shot?

A: "It's me, Luigi!"

What gets long when you put it, slides into holes, and likes to squeeze between boobs?

A seatbelt.

This isn’t much of a joke, but here's a pickup line. Are you a marshmallow? Because I wanna put my stick in you.

I ate a sock yesterday. It was very time-consuming.

In the hospital, I saw a girl with cancer trying to sleep. The ICU was going beep beep beep. I think that's why she can't sleep, so I turned it off. She's asleep forever now. Nighty night.

Why couldn't the sunflower ride its bike? It lost its petals!

I raped a girl and I liked it.

I hope my girlfriend won't mind it.

It felt so wrong, it felt so right.

Don't mean I'm in love tonight.

Why can't an orphan watch T.V.?

Because it can't find the home button.

R.I.P. on a tombstone normally means "Rest In Peace"; however, in Madeleine McCann's case, it means "Raped In Portugal".

All of you idiots who think that it is ok to laugh about us foster kids need to be shot.

What is the difference between a Mexican and a bench?

The bench can support its family.

Your hairline is so far back, it was in a different time zone on a flight with you.

What happens when you find a bomb at your local bazaar?

It becomes a flee market.

Someone: Stop making jokes about sh!

Me: Oh, sorry man, I'll cut it out, I'll cut it out deep!

What was OceanGate's biggest regret?

Not painting Dylan Mulvaney on the side of the Titan submarine for when it sunk like Bud Light's profits.

A cop pulls two Arabian men over, walks up to their window, and says, "We are looking for two child molesters!"

Now after a short pause, the two men look at each other, then back at the officer and say, "We'll do it!"

How do you make a snooker table laugh? Tickle its balls!

What’s the difference between a Jew and an American? The American makes it out of camp.

What’s the difference between life and a rape joke?

Life fucks you until you stop breathing; a rape joke fucks you until it’s not funny anymore.

At night time, in Africa, it's known as the darkest country. Till this day, I still wonder why.