it's jokes
The Hodja purchased a piece of meat at the market, and on his way home he met a friend.
Seeing the Hodja's purchase, the friend told him an excellent recipe for stew.
"I'll forget it for sure," said the Hodja. "Write it on a piece of paper for me."
The friend obliged him, and the Hodja continued on his way, the piece of meat in one hand and the recipe in the other. He had not walked far when suddenly a large hawk swooped down from the sky, snatched the meat, and flew away with it.
"It will do you no good!" shouted the Hodja after the disappearing hawk. "I still have the recipe!"
Little Johnny walks out to the garage and sees Dad smoking a cigarette. He asks, "Hey Dad, can I have a puff of that cigarette?" Dad asks, "Well, Johnny, can your dick reach your ass?" Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, no, Dad, my dick can't reach my ass." His Dad says, "There's your answer, Johnny..." Little Johnny goes back in the house.
About an hour later, Little Johnny comes back out to the garage and sees his Dad drinking a beer. He asks, "Hey Dad, can I have some of that beer?" Dad asks, "Well, Johnny, can your dick reach your ass?" Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, no, Dad, my dick can't reach my ass." His Dad says, "There's your answer, Johnny..." Little Johnny goes back in the house.
About an hour later, Little Johnny comes back out to the garage with a big plate of Tollhouse Chocolate Chip cookies, fresh from the oven. His Dad says, "Wow, Johnny, those sure look like some good cookies. You think I can have some?" Little Johnny asks his Dad, "Well Dad, can your dick reach your ass?" His Dad scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, yes, Johnny, I do believe my dick can reach my ass." Little Johnny says, "Well, Dad, you can go FUCK yourself, cuz Mom made these cookies for me!!!"
What did one casket say to the other casket?
"Is that you coughin'?"
Best friend *holds a sign up that says "what gender are you?"*
Me: Uh, male?..
Best friend *then unfolds paper so it reads "what gender are you attracted to?"*
Me: You silly goose.
*Silence for like three seconds*
Me: Still male though-
Is that a bird? Is that a plane? It's a plane!
People say rape is bad. It is because I don't want STD and HIV.
What happened when the depressed kid went to give it a high five?
It left him hanging.
All I can see when I pass Saturn is Uranus because it's so big.
I would make a 9/11 joke, but it just wouldn't land.
What is an emo's most hated game? Hangman.
Because it's rubbing it in their face that they can't hang themselves.
It would be fun, they said...
It was unsinkable, they said...
Why was the Ethiopian baby crying?
It was having a mid-life crisis.
Boy, look at your hair. It be looking like the McDonald's symbol.
I'd tell a Luigi joke, but it would fall flat faster than the line on his victim's heart monitor.
Imagine there's a funny joke here... imagined it? Great! Now check yourself into an insane asylum because you're schizophrenic.
No matter how big the jar, there is one thing that can never fit inside it. What is it?
Not to brag, but I can forget what I’m doing while I’m doing it.
OMG, I had a really good hand joke, but I just couldn't put my finger on it.
I hate it when people say to suck it up... I mean, sometimes I don’t want someone’s dick in my face.
Grandma told me that when she passed away she wants to be a tree, and so she could live forever.
But I'm not gonna lie, it was a nice toasty fire...