it's jokes
My friend Arid asked me what I did over the weekend. I told him, "I read."
Get it? I read? No... ok.
What's the difference between a woman and a washing machine? The washing machine doesn't follow you after you put a load in it.
A man walks into a magic forest, when he stumbles upon a talking tree and tries to cut it down. The tree says, "You can't cut me down, I'm a talking tree!" The man replies, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."
Someone glued my deck of cards together. I don't know how to deal with it.
When you don't wear earrings for a long time, the hole can close, and it hurts so much when you want to put it back. 🙄🙄 😁😁😁🤣
Friend #1: "Yo guys, what's the most unfair game you've ever played? For me it's Fortnite." Friend #2: "I'd have to say Monopoly." Me: "The most unfair game you say? Life, definitely. Like, no one wins, it's a one-way game." Friend #2: "Uhh...that's not exactly what he meant..." Friend #1: *calls the suicide hotline*
What happened to the fly on the toilet seat?
It got pissed off.
I got a new pair of gloves today, but they're both 'lefts,' which, on one hand, is great, but on the other, it's just not right.
September 11th is the superior birthday because no one forgets it. #flexingonyoubitches ;)
How many police officers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they just beat the room for being black.
People complain we are overpopulated.
Well, then if we committed suicide, then why do they be sad? It's one less person to think about. Why complain about it when in the end we become sad people?
What do you give a dog with a fever?
Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog!
Dark Humor is like a child with cancer. It never gets old.
Your forehead is so big you could roast meat on it.
My best friend looked at my arms and said, "Stop, sh*t, it's bad," then turns right around and says, "You look like a tiger."
So from here on out I am now Finn, the self-harming tiger.
What does the child with no hands get for Christmas? Unknown. He hasn't opened it yet.
What does a homeless man in New York get for Christmas? Hypothermia.
I would make a joke about 9/11, but it has a tendency to crash and burn.
What did the beat say to the rapper?
"Drop it like it's HOT!"
What does a pig call its dad... mom? 😂
How many kids does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them. 😂😂😂😂