it's jokes
I hate these double standards.
If you burn a body at a crematorium you're "doing a good job". If you do it at home you're "destroying evidence".
Friend: Slavery isn't good.
Other friend: Yeah, it's terrible.
Me: Shut up and get me a juice!
I've got something better for all of you. I may not have found it, but Google "hottest sexiest women ever." Then you'll want them!
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter, he isn't coming to you.
Your mom is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas, and it's still printing.
ChEesE
Have you seen the new movie "Constipated"?
No, it hasn't come out yet.
Every time I make a 9/11 joke, it bombs.
What’s a reverse exorcism?
It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.
What do you call a country's booty?
Its bottom line.
Your hairline is so far back that my father couldn't even reach the store in time before it grew!
A 98 year old man goes to bed on a one layer bed. He wakes up under it...
Three construction workers were sitting on the bridge that they were building, having their lunch break. The first guy says, "If I get a Vegemite sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The second guy says, "If I get a peanut butter sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The third guy says, "If I get another strawberry jam sandwich, then I am going to jump off this bridge." The next day, the first guy gets a Vegemite sandwich, the second guy gets a peanut butter sandwich, and the third guy gets a strawberry jam sandwich. All three guys jump off the bridge and die. The next day at their funerals, the first wife says, "If he just told me, I would have given him a different sandwich." The second guy's wife says, "It is all my fault. If only I knew." The third wife says, "I don't get it, he makes his own lunch."
What did the grape say when the Meerkat stepped on it?
It said nothing, just let out a little wine.
Your forehead is so big a whole state could fit on it.
Sometimes I look at my butt for a really, really long time, and suddenly it all becomes clear to me.
Q: How can you tell the sun is a boy?
A: It rises every morning.
Why did the cat meow?
Because it's a cat, and they meow.
Why do orphans want to become criminals? To know what it feels like to be wanted.
Jingle bells, Braedyn says, "Yummy!" to a turd.
Then, he takes it out of the toilet and wipes it all over the wall!
Jingle bells, Braedyn says, "Yummy!" to a turd.
Then, he takes it out of the toilet and wipes it all over the wall!
Your mama so fat when she sits on the toilet it sings, "ABC, 123, get your fat ass off of me!"