it's jokes
My brothers kept annoying me.
I told them I would disembowel them if they kept it up.
It was an empty threat—right after I was done.
What was the oak tree's response to the apple tree's joke?
You should leaf it alone!
Why didn't the boy want to read "2000 Leagues Under the Sea"?
It was too much pressure.
How do you make a tissue dance? You put a boogie in it!
I have a joke about construction.
I'm still working on it.
Jokes about communism aren't funny unless everyone gets it.
I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless.
I thought the dryer made my clothes shrink.
Turns out it was the fridge.
What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing. It just "waved!"
What do you call a belt with a watch on it?
A waist of time!
Doctor, what is wrong with me?
You will never be able to walk again. It ain't like with me on the field it would make the Miami Dolphins any better.
I wonder why the plane got bigger and bigger, then it hit me.
What's the difference between an onion and a dead baby?
The baby doesn't cry when you chop it.
I know I've changed my name from tj to selfish king but know it's gunna be selfishking#781.
How does Moses brew his coffee?
He brews it.
Paddy and Murphy are walking down the street when all of a sudden, Paddy falls down a manhole. Murphy shouts down, "Paddy, is it dark down there?"
Paddy shouts up, "Dunno Murphy, I crnt see a fecking thing!"
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it a la mode.
A friend asked what an acorn is.
I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”