it's jokes

I bet you $12345678901234567890 that you didn't read that number and you didn't notice that I put a letter in it. No, I didn't, but you went back and looked, didn't you?

Did you hear that Daft Punk came out with a cook book?

It's called "One More Thyme."

Stage 4 cancer is like a woman. You can’t beat it, but if you do, she’ll probably come back again.

I didn’t know Stephen Hawking died. Oh god, it must have been when I disconnected the Wi-Fi!

So, in "Revenge of the Sixth" when Anakin goes and kills the younglings, I thought to myself, "Hey, it’s just another day in an American school."

Is it normal my emo cousin's hobby is tying himself to train tracks?

I was on the train today and saw a cow on it.

It was quite strange until I realized it was Alfie's mum.

How do Chinese people name their kids?

They roll a coin down the staircase and it says, "Ching chang chong..."

What does a tornado need when it has multiple sclerosis?

A hurri-CANE.

Why is the orange so blind? Because it needs to take Vitamin C!

My mum once told me, "How do you spell Mississippi?" and I said, "Misisipi." But she said, "No, it goes mi-ss-i-ss-pp-i," and I laughed when she said "pp." Then she said, "Why are you laughing?" I tried saying, "You said pp," but I was laughing too hard.

FIRST DATE

Man: "I work with animals every day." Woman: "Oh, how sweet! What is it that you do?" Man: "I'm a butcher..."

Did you see that Chinese man with no legs?

No, I'm blind.

Stop ruining my jokes.

Isn't that the Chinese man with no legs' fault?

It's not like He Go Ann Hi Weh.

So I was being robbed, and this guy had the gun to my head, so I told him he was holding it backwards.

You want to hear some marriage jokes?

Don't worry, it's just a couple.

Doctor, what is wrong with me?

You will never be able to walk again. It ain't like with me on the field it would make the Miami Dolphins any better.

How do you pet a psychopath's cat?

You get it out of the microwave.

When I hit a home run, I finally felt what it was like to have a home.

So, I walked into the kitchen and saw my mom had made cookies. I stole one, not noticing my mom was behind me.

So my mom said, "Put the cookie back, kid!" and I said I wasn't gonna eat it. Then she said, "Never mind, I'll get your father." So my mom said, "Honey, deal with your son; I'm going to the mall!" And my dad said, "Son, if you're not allowed to have a cookie before dinner!"

So he went into his room, and I heard the belt, and I was going to run, but I knew it would be worse. So he said, "This will be your punishment." As he was getting ready to hit me, I said, "Daddy, no, please, I wasn't gonna eat it!" But he said, "No, you won't change my mind, little boy!" Then he hit me. Thank you for reading! Stay healthy and stay safe in this time. Bye!!! Read more of my jokes; they'll probably be around the website!!

Egg shaped, dome, bowling ball lookin' ass, bald fuck with that 360 degrees ahh head, motherfucker look like a damn balloon.

Call me Kobe 'cause I'm finna use your head as a basketball and throw it at yo' parents. Mr. Clean, bootleg Saitama lookin' ass mfer. No hair? :(