it's jokes
If I had a dime for everytime the Australian president shat himself in a McDonald's, I would have one dime, which is not a lot, but it's weird that it happened.
September 11th is the superior birthday because no one forgets it. #flexingonyoubitches ;)
I got pranked so many times. Once I saw two wheels rolling down the street. I heard this noise. I looked behind me. There's a legless man in a wheelless chair screaming, "HELP! I CAN'T GO ANYWHERE!" but I walked away. I knew it was a prank.
6 was afraid of 7 because 7 8 9.
Why was 10 scared?
Because it's in the middle of 9/11!
Q: What’s the difference between a sleeping lady and an onion?
A: One doesn’t scream when you try to chop it up.
Your mama's so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it said, "To be continued."
When does a pentagon not have 5 sides?
When it’s intersected by a plane.
Why could the zombie not clap? Because it was dead, duh!
It's been raining for days. My wife is totally depressed. She keeps looking through the window. If this keeps up, I'll have to let her in.
What did the boy with no arms get for Christmas?
I don't know, he still hasn't opened it yet.
Lol, I switched out my friend's leukemia medication for mercury.
Like and comment if you get it!
An old lady told me to check her balance, so I pushed her off the edge without knowing it was her cash she wanted to check, so I died to help her!
I would tell you a joke about pizza, but it was too cheesy.
How do you make any salad into a Caesar salad? You stab it 23 times.
I don't get people who treat you like shit and cross your boundaries, then are surprised when you have depression.
It's because of them after all. 🥰✨️
How do you make a snooker table laugh? Tickle its balls!
"Stupid faker, if you're trying to get me to leave the site, it won't work!"
My wife is like a mirror.
I can never look at it.
Little Johnny was in kindergarten, and his teacher said, "Okay, everyone, tomorrow you must come to school and recite the first three letters of the alphabet." Johnny didn't know the alphabet, so he decided to ask his family. He walked into the kitchen to find his mom on the phone. He says, "Mama, what's the first letter of the alphabet?" His mom doesn't notice him standing there and says, "If you don't shut the fuck up right now-" So he goes to find his brother watching TV, and he says, "Tommy, what's the second letter of the alphabet?" His brother doesn't notice him and says, "I'm Batman." So he went to his grandma who was knitting and says, "Grandma, what's the third letter of the alphabet?" The grandma then realizes she left her biscuits in the oven for too long and says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!" Satisfied with the answers given to him, he thinks it over and goes to school the next morning. When his teacher comes to Johnny, she says, "Johnny, what are the first three letters of the alphabet?" "If you don't shut the fuck up right now," Johnny says. "Who do you think you are, young man, to talk to someone like me that way?" the teacher asks. "I'm Batman," Johnny says. The teacher whups his ass, and little Johnny says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!"
Later that day, he understands what happened and can't tell which was worse, that he accidentally cussed at his teacher or that his family was ignoring him.
My cousin is in a wheelchair and wanted to battle.
So I went up a step and said, "It's over Anakin, I have the high ground!"