it's jokes

Your momma is so dumb that when they said it was chilly outside, she came outside with a bowl.

Aloneness is not the joke, it's unfortunately my reality.

I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it! 😌

Why is it bad to high five an emo?

They will leave themselves hanging.

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? He had no balls to do it.

A guy stuffed some cigarettes up his eyes thinking it would make him see colors.

The next day, he could see only one color... black.

Two friends are arguing and one friend says, "Jason Warhis is not afraid of water and not ifs, ands, or buts about it."

And the other friend says, "Butt he is."

I don’t struggle with depression, at this point I’ve got it down. I’m good at depression.

I was reading a book about an immortal dog, it was impossible to put down.

What did the bones on the moon tell the astronaut?

The cow never made it.

I got my husband a fridge for his birthday. His face lit up when he opened it.

Don’t feel bad about this day because there’s a saying: "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present."

I told a seal a joke, it went like this: "Why did the kid cross the playground?" He said, "Why?" I said, "To get to the other slide." And then he said, "That's the sealiest thing I've ever heard!"

Why don't communists like Microsoft? Because it's Minecraft instead of ourcraft.

Hey man, I was gonna tell a joke about 9/11, but it was just plane.

Ever seen twins?

If you said yes, was it before or after 2001?

You know, the strangest things happen. My mom said, "Step on a crack, you break your mama's back, but if you step on a line, you break your father's spine." I stepped on the line. It didn't break his spine. Mom, who is my father?

It's not nice to make 9/11 jokes. My uncle died in 9/11...

He was one of al qaeda's best pilots.

What's the similarity between gay men and an ambulance?

They both take it in the back and go woop woop.

Suicide really isn't something to joke about, unless it's hanging yourself.

It's a really quicker way to die, and less blood spilled for your mother to clean up.