it's jokes
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter, he's not coming.
Little Johnny asks a fireman, "Do you want to see my fire truck?"
So the fireman goes to look at it. Little Johnny tested it. "I got my hat in my fire truck."
So the fireman says, "Last night's alright, but why is it tied up to you wagging?" And he looks closer and sees the string is tied up in knots. He said, "That's nice all right, but why is it tied up to his nuts?"
The little Johnny said, "Well that's my son," and so he yanks on it.
What did the Chinese guy say to the Italian guy?
同性恋球蜥蜴 (translate it)
Instead of the line, "This girl's on fire," my friend can relate to, "The baby in the oven's on fire, and I need to take it the f*ck out!"
Take it in the ear day? More like take it in the rear day.
Little Johnny went up to his mom and said: "Can I have some milk?"
He waited for three hours to get an answer.
His mom finally said: "No, your dad still isn't back with it."
When a guy falls, it hurts them there. When a woman falls, it hurts more.
You look like a cow went through puberty, put the milk before the cereal, then ate it with a fork with a little sprinkle of steak.
A boy went to a costume party with a girl on his back. Someone asked him what he was supposed to be. He answered, "A turtle."
"Then why do you have a girl on your back?" the guy asked again.
The boy answered, "It's Michelle."
Why is the white man in prison scarier than the black one?
The white one actually did it!
Do you know what a reverse exorcism is?
It's when the devil tells the priest to get out of the child.
Your hairline goes so far back, I remember seeing it in the Stone Age.
22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
Johnny Johnny?
Yes pa pa.
Eating sugar?
Yes pa pa, I am eating sugar because it is the only thing I can reach and you have refused to feed me for the past 3 days. You smoke 2 packs of cigs a day and you're mad at me for eating a little sugar. Smoking? Telling lies? Yes pa pa, you do all of those things because you're a chronic addict.
What does it take to paint a wall red? Kurt Cobain and his shotgun.
Doctor: Tomorrow is like John Cena, you won’t see it.
What is more fun than spinning a clown around on a clothes line at 100 miles an hour?
Stopping it with a pitchfork.
Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road? It got stuck in a crack.
I hate jokes about 9/11... every joke has the tendency to crash and burn.
"I didn't get the joke at first, but then it hit me like a plane," the joke was so dark a cop almost shot it.
My mama always told me, don't pick your nose or it will fall off! I thought she meant my nose.
Hey, give me a break! I'm a little shorthanded!
Oh no, not rock paper scissors again! I always lose. Come on guys, I just lost my finger a day ago! This is Tony, later on.