it's jokes
Chuck Norris once took down a fence. Maybe you heard of it, the Berlin Wall.
Jeff, did you hear they're making a film about Jimmy Savile? It’s a very touchy subject.
Yeah, I did, Gary, but did you hear the reviews on the Bill Cosby film? People said it was so boring it put them to sleep.
Why wasn’t the moon hungry?
Because it was full!
I was once friends with a schizophrenic emo. He tried high-fiving a tree, but it only left him hanging.
I was driving with my parent and shouted, "It's a superhero!" But I didn't know it was an emo kid.
How can a prostitute make more money than a drug dealer?
She can clean her crack and sell it again.
Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately?
Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it.
Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow.
The Titanic, just like my phone, IT JUST WON'T SYNC.
Edit: Never mind, it started to sync...
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Because he had no balls to do it.
Your forehead is so big, it's a $20 taxi ride from your hairline to your eyebrows.
A kid milks a cow and goes to school and tells his friends, "I milked a cow, and it took awhile for it to warm up." His brother came over and said, "We don't have cows, we have bulls."
If you own a gun and you live in the USA, hide your gun upstairs. Biden can't get it.
Biden: *falls over on steps*
A cop saw an old lady carrying two sacks. He asked the lady what she was doing. She opened one bag and shows a bunch of cash.
"How did you get all this?" asked the cop.
"Well, I live behind a golf course, and my backyard has many holes in its fence. Since there are no bathrooms nearby, the golfers stick their dicks through the holes and piss onto my hard, and that keeps killing my flowers. So, I grabbed my hedge clippers, and when they stick it through, I grab their dick and yell, '10 bucks right now or it comes clean off!' After that, nobody pees in my yard ever again."
The cop responded with, "Dang. But what about the other bag?"
She said, "Not everybody paid."
My first time sex was like buying my first used, crappy car.
I didn't want it, but Dad gave it to me anyway.
I would roast BlessedBrian, but it seems LIFE already did a thorough job.
A new drug has been developed for lesbians with depression.
It’s called Trycoxagain.
I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I've ever seen.
I got some new jeans yesterday, until I realized they didn't fit me around the waist, so I went looking for a belt. I couldn't find one. Then I had a really good idea. I could attach a ton of watches together to make a belt! But then I just thought it was a waste of time.
When is a piece of wood made king?
When it's a ruler.
Stormtrooper: What should we do about the failed plan?
Palpatine: Screw it.