it's jokes
There were these two guys in a lunatic asylum... and one night, they decide they don't like living in an asylum anymore. They decide they're going to escape!
So, like, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moonlight... stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend didn't dare make the leap. You see... You see, he's afraid of falling.
So then, the first guy has an idea... He says "Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!" B-but the second guy just shakes his head. He suh-says... He says "Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!"
Would it be wrong of me to yell “Jenga!” or “Timber!” while my class is watching a 9/11 documentary?
What was the first thing Thanos snapped?
Loki’s neck.
What is it called when the gynecologist slanders your grandfather?
A pap smear.
The worst comedians take 9 months to make a joke. Then they spend the rest of their lives trying to forget it.
What time is it when you get home and you can walk, walk? Eeeeeew!
Friend: My bike doesn't have a kick stand, so it can't stand up.
Me: Nah, it's just two tired.
What is it called when an orphan is having a family reunion?
Me time.
What did the South tower get instead of pepperoni pizza?
It got a bunch of plane.
How are a mouse and a bale of hay alike?
The cat'll eat it (the cattle eat it).
Pro marriage tip: Let your wife know you’re all about women’s rights. There’s no reason she needs to talk that much; it’s not like replying to her is voice activated.
Pete: Knock, knock...
Paul: Who's there?
Pete: Boo...
Paul: Boo who?
Pete: Don't cry, it was only a joke!
Paul: I'm going to cry! It was such a bad joke!!!
I snorted a line of coke off my 8-year-old sister’s tiny prepubescent vag. She just laid there and let me do it without complaining, probably because she was already dead.
Most women are like the Twin Towers.
It's all fun and good when guys fly through them, but once the little people come jumping off them, it becomes sad and awful.
What did the squirrel say when he chewed some saggy boobs?
Is it just me or do these taste like nuts?
I got home one day and a Spanish guy, white guy, black guy told me that your sister knows her meats.
She won a trophy. We blindfolded her, then my sister said, "Yeah, I was blindfolded, and I gave all three of them blowjobs and I had to guess which flavor of the meat it was."
The Trophy said Best Blowjobs. As a brother, I couldn't be prouder.
Jack and Jill went up a hill to do it in the water.
Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.
I don't want to brag, I finished the puzzle in under a week, and it said 2-4 years on the box.
I tried to think of how lighting works.
Then it struck me!
The real dead hooker joke is on all of us from the Fraser Valley in BC. You know damn well each and everyone of us ate that Pickton hooker pork. Considering it stretching from the 80's-2000's, pretty sure he got 4 generations of Valley folk with that Pickton pork.