IT jokes
We found out my grandpa is addicted to Viagra. No one is taking it harder than my dad.
I saw names carved into a tree and thought it was romantic. Until I realized how many people bring knives on dates.
Why is it so hard to make friends in Antarctica?
Because you cannot break the ice.
Alabama's saying: It's not cheating if we’re all siblings.
An officer confronts two congressmen.
He informs them, \"I’m looking for a couple of child molesters.\"
The two look at each other, turn to the officer and exclaim, \"Sure! We’ll do it!\"
How do you piss off a midget?
Give them a yo-yo and tell them to play with it.
I got fired from my paramedic job on the first day. I told an eight-year-old who lost his leg in a car accident to "walk it off."
The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"
He says, "No."
She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."
Why is a ghost so predictable?
Because you can see right through it.
A conman, a mentally handicapped person, and a Russian spy walk into a bar.
And the bartender asks, "What will it be, Mr. President?"
Why can Elsa hold a balloon? She will "Let It Go"!
I have a joke about paper. It's tearable.
When you have a hand clock it goes tic-tac.
When an American has it go backwards, it's tactic.
Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. It's not dead, just afraid to move.
You're so awesome that the word 'awesome' demanded its title back!
I had a great day today because Allison was frustrated at her calculator and started banging it on the side of the table, and the teacher screamed, "Allison, how would you like it if I banged you on the table?"
Yo mama's so stupid, she stared at the orange juice because it said "concentrate."
There's no Asian kids in my class, but it just happens to be the rice store and the pet store just ran out of stock...
Dad: Son, do you want to play Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots?
Son: Sure, let me get it from the closet.
Dad: No, bring your sisters. Just like the game, they can’t move their legs.
Why is the Tower of Pisa leaning? Because it had better reflexes than the Twin Towers.